Posted in Abundance, goals, motivation

Story VS. Facts

There are facts and then there is the story that we create about the facts.  Facebook Live Replay.

Facts don’t hurt.

It’s the stories we tell ourselves about the facts that create the pain. Our brain has a negative bias… it will naturally go to the gloom and doom story, the one with drama.

  • Fact:  He is late
  • Story:  He is late because he doesn’t care about me or respect my time.  I can’t take it anymore!
  • Fact:  Boss said words
  • Story:  Boss doesn’t appreciate anything I do, he’s always on my case and never recognizes me.  I am not dealing with this anymore!
  • Fact:  Husband says words
  • Story:  He is always mad at me, takes his bad day out on me, doesn’t love me.  I am done!
  • Fact:  scale says I weigh 180
  • Story:  I have no willpower, I will never hit my weight goal, it’s too hard to lose weight around my familyI might as well give up!

Facts are boring, stories are compelling.

We are all living lives that we have created with our thoughts. So, if you are not excited about an area of your life, my question is, what’s the story you have created?

I have had stories for things that have happened in my life almost all of my life. It’s human nature to create stories. When it becomes an issue is when we start living at the effect of the stories we tell ourselves.

  • We create stories that we are not good with money or with time.
  • We create stories that we can’t lose weight and keep it off.
  • We create stories that people are disrespectful and toxic.
  • We create stories that we are victims.
  • We create stories that we have no will power or discipline. We create stories that we are too busy and overwhelmed.
  • We create stories that make us feel that we have been taken advantage of and betrayed and cheated.

Our thoughts are our stories but that does not make any of it true!

Does that story even serve you? If it does, how? What is the upside to the story. If it works for you then keep it, if not, let’s get to work on it.

You can’t manage boss, husband, neighbor, dry cleaning lady etc…you can only manage the thoughts in your head, the sentences that you join together and the story that you create.

You can take responsibility and ownership of the story, you can decide how you want to feel about the circumstance and show up from a space of emotional adulthood.

Ask yourself this…

If you did not have the story, who would you be?  Who could you be without the story?

We have the option of having a thought and keeping it neutral or making it mean something.  We don’t have to add drama to the thought with a story.

The story that you tell about your life, your relationships, your circumstances, become what you invite and create and attract more of.

Your story about the circumstance is creating your reality.

Ready to up level your reality?   Change the story worksheet

 

Posted in Abundance, goals, motivation

How Do I Attract Things To Me… Exactly?

We are energy!  We have energy running through us. If you doubt me, rub your feet on some carpet and touch a another person.  ZAP!

When you think a thought, you create an emotion which is a vibration in your body.  Yep!  You can feel it if you sit and be with your feelings for a while.

Maybe you will feel it in your head, or maybe your stomach, maybe your knees get week, maybe your throat gets tight, maybe your chest gets tights.

Something happens viscerally.

Your emotions become fuel for the way that you show up and present yourself.  Emotions fuel your action or inaction, and that my friends is how we generate, create,  and invite the results that we get.

You literally put off a vibration that attracts like vibrations.

Think about a time that you have walked into a meeting room or any room full of people.  Think about the different vibes you got from different people.  Some people were probably warm and friendly and some were not.   Depending on what they were thinking, they were feeling a certain emotion, and that emotion was emitting a vibe.

Now imagine that you are trying to get a job or a promotion or attract wealth into your life.  If you are showing up with a chip on your shoulder, mad at the world or jealous of everyone else’s good fortune, what do you think you are inviting?

  • We invite lack by thinking about all the things we don’t have
  • We invite scarcity by talking about what we can’t afford
  • We invite drama by talking about other people and their drama
  • We invite anxiety and overwhelm by stating those emotions as how we feel

Whatever you focus on grows.  Have you ever noticed that?  Try it.

Try going through the day and noticing all of the things that you love.  Be very aware of all of the things that you see, feel, taste, smell…all of it.  Write it all down all day long.

At first it will not come easy and then as you go along throughout the day, things that you love will feel abundant.

It works in reverse too…

The day starts out terribly and just gets worse.  You get to work and nothing goes right.  The whole day feels off and you just want this one to end so that you can start over.

What is the difference?  Your thoughts!

Sure, things happen, they happen to all of us.  What we think, and what we make them mean about us, and how we respond, is what sets the rest of the day up.

We can either invite more of the frustration or we can stop, take a deep breath, find a thought that flips the script and invite what we want instead.

Like attracts like.  We have all heard that, but here is how it works.

If you are feeling happy and energized your give off that “vibe” (this is not woo, it’s science) and you attract people and experiences that are on the same current, the same frequency.

If you show up grouchy and pissy, you forecast that vibe in the way you walk, the way that you talk and the way that you move through your space.  Even if you try to mask it…you are not fooling anyone!

You attract more of the same experiences that are on that frequency.  You also attract the people who love nothing more that to be pissy and grouchy with you!  Misery truly does love company.

Attracting, inviting and creating abundance in any area of your life is not complicated.  It is only complicated by our thoughts.

We think in order to feel better, we just need to find a new job or make our boss understand or get through to our spouse and co-workers.

Nope, the only thing you need to do is manage you… manage your thoughts.

Now, saying that, doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it is the way the Universe works!

So, exactly how do you invite more of what you want into your life?  Gratitude!  Yep, turns out, that is the quickest way to up-level your vibe.

Gratitude cannot exist in the same space as anxiety, frustration and overwhelm.

We can get so easily distracted by the wanting of more and feeling of lack and scarcity.  But when we stop and sit in a space of gratitude and thankfulness for what we have,  we are given even more to be grateful for.

Managing your thoughts takes practice, you don’t get good at it over night, but…  I am here to help!

Click here to watch my Facebook Live Transformation Tuesday Virtual Workshop on Money Mindset.

Posted in Abundance, goals, motivation

What Are The Top Three Emotions Fueling Your Actions Today?

My business coach asked this question Monday and it stopped me in my tracks.

“What are the top three emotions fueling your actions today?’

I got out my notebook and went to work.

As soon as she asked that question, I knew I had work to do.  I have been operating from a space of worry, overwhelm, anxiety, frustration and impatience.  That’s never going to be the best fuel choice for the actions required to generate the result that I want to create.

Just like a snicker bar is a horrible choice to fuel your body for a marathon, fear based emotions are not the best choice for fueling your actions when you are trying to accomplish a goal.

Regardless of the goal, regardless of the circumstance, there are better options.

Think about the result that you want to create and think about what you believe you would need to do, think about the actions that you would need to take in order to create that result.

Now ask yourself if the way you are feeling right now is going to inspire the action that needs to be taken.  For me the answer was no way.

I have been thinking thoughts like “this is hard, there is not enough time, this is taking longer that I want, this is exhausting, this is expensive, this is annoying, contractors are annoying”….guess how I show up?

Impatient, snarky, snotty, grouchy, frantic, frustrated, annoyed!!!

None of my actions taken from that place would be inspired or massive.

The action would most likely be frantic or maybe even not action.   Not a good recipe for the result that I want to create.

Here is the thing that I want you to take away.  You are human, you have a brain, it thinks 65,000 thoughts a day.  Some of those thoughts are going to dominate and surface and create negative, fear based emotions.  That doesn’t mean that you have to abdicate your human experience to them.

You get to decide.

You get to decide the human experience that you want to have.

I was texting my thought model to my husband yesterday and interestingly, he was going through a similar sequence of thoughts and emotions.  So layer on two people feeding off of each other and this remodel was for sure on track to being a horrible experience.

We know it’s going to get done whether we enjoy the process or not.   We can stop and pivot and choose our thoughts more wisely and choose thoughts that energize us or we can be miserable for the next 60 days.  The decision is ours.

Here is why it’s so important to manage the thoughts on the journey.  It’s not going to feel like a positive outcome if the experience was negative.  The experience during the process of creating any result is where the lessons are, where the growth is, regardless of the outcome you are trying to create.

This applies to everything.

Sometime when I ask people what they are thinking, they don’t know.   We can get so busy that we find ourselves living at the effect of what is happening to us and what I want to show you is that nothing is just happening to you, it’s also happening through you.  Through your thoughts, feelings and actions.

The best way to know what you’re thinking is to look at the results in your life.

Your results reveal your most significant thoughts.

This applies to all of the great things that you are creating and all of the not so great things that you are creating.

What you weigh, how much money you have in your bank account, where you live, who you’re married to, how many friends you have, your possessions, where you work, the car you drive, the clothes you wear, the state that the house is in, what your pantry looks like, what your day looks like, what your calendar looks like.

All of it, those are all results. Your accomplishments, your achievements your acquisitions, what you have created, invited and attracted.

I really want you to notice all of the amazing results you have  created, but I also want you to look at it as if it’s just math.

These are the positive results that I’ve created because I’ve thought positive thoughts, and these are also the results I’ve created because I’ve let negative thoughts take root in my day, week, month, year and I have let negative thought dominate and fuel my actions.

And here’s a cool trick for you to look at when you’re looking at your thought models. If the feeling driving your actions is a positive emotions, you will most likely see the result as positive.

So if you have positive thoughts like, I love my job and you feel excited and motivated and you go to work and produce enough value to get let’s just say $100,000, my guess is from that model, you’ll be super happy with that thought model.

It doesn’t mean you don’t want to make more than $100,000, but you’re super happy.

What I want you to see is that you are  happy because you’re fueling that result from positive emotion.

Now, someone else could have the exact same result of making $100,000 and if what is fueling their result is negative emotion, their outcome is not going to feel positive at all. They could be fueled by greed, revenge, desperation, anger, resentment, any or all of it.  They are going to think about that $100,000 result totally differently being fueled from negative emotions.

What I am sharing with you is the difference between a mindset of abundance and a mindset of scarcity.  It sounds like it’s a lesson on positive and negative…it’s not.

When we are experiencing negative emotions, we are coming from a place of fear which drives scarcity and lack.  Lack of time, lack of money, lack of resources, lack of energy, lack of patience, lack of creative ideas…all kinds of lack.

When we are experiencing positive emotions, we are coming from a place of love which drives abundance.  Plenty of time, money, energy, favor, patience, ideas…all kinds of abundance.

When we try to reach our goal though grit, desperation, deprivation, frustration etc…we might still create the result but it won’t feel like a positive result because of the fuel…the emotions.

So think about a result that you want to create and think about the emotion that you want to be driving that result.

Now, this doesn’t ,mean that worry and doubt won’t come up, they will.  But when you are fueled by a deeper emotion, the ones that you choose, you will be able to cause the effect in your life.

Brooke Castillo~ “I just got asked this on a podcast, what is the most important indicator of long-term success, and I said the emotion fueling the activities.”

I really wanted to share this real time experience with you so that you could see the before, during and the after effect of me going through a transformation and  be encourages and inspired on your own journey to choose the emotions that are going to serve you, on purpose

The ones that I am choosing on purpose are patience, love, gratitude, confidence, courage, maturity, responsibility and abundance…all of it!

Ready to get to work?  See what others are saying…

Transformation Tuesday Replays

 

Posted in goals, motivation

This Amazing Life

  • Take a chance.
  • Feel the fear.
  • Do it anyway.
  • Instead of fear, be excited.
  • Know it always works out.
  • Know that you can handle it if it doesn’t.
  • Have an idea.
  • Don’t play safe, play fair.
  • Do it again.
  • And again.
  • Make someone’s day.
  • Let that fill you up.
  • Do it again.
  • And again.
  • Have an idea.
  • Lose sleep with excitement.
  • Wake up dying to tell someone.
  • Do it again.
  • And again.
  • Waste your money on things you think will fill you up. Eat the food, drink the drinks, watch the shows. Spend your time scrolling through the lives of everyone else while ….NEVER!!!!!
  • Take a class.
  • Buy a book.
  • Try something.
  • Feel frustrated that it’s hard.
  • Be willing to be really bad.
  • Be unsure that it’s your thing.
  • Be afraid  you’re never going to be as good as your mentor.
  • Do it again
  • And again.
  • Take another class.
  • Start showing up differently – to your job, your family, your life.
  • Wear the good clothes.
  • Sing out loud in the car. Even though you aren’t alone.
  • Stop and doubt sometimes.
  • But then do it anyway.
  • Feel like you’re getting pulled back in.
  • Shake it out.
  • Submit a piece of writing.
  • Or a piece of art.
  • Start the blog.
  • Write the book.
  • Start the podcast.
  • Email your heroes.
  • Do a happy dance when they reply.
  • Try something that doesn’t work.
  • Wonder if you should give it all up.
  • Open your inbox to a message from someone telling you that you changed their life.
  • Take a deep breath.
  • Do it again.
  • And again
  • Take 1 step toward your future you
  • Take more steps.
  • Realize that the only thing standing in your way is you.

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!!!

Posted in goals, motivation

When Is It Time To Give Up?

Interesting Question

I had an interesting question the other day from a student.  She was asking if she should give up on her goal.  She wanted to know if all of the obstacles she is facing is a sign from the Universe that she should stop chasing her dream.

My answer….NO WAY!!!!

Let me be so perfectly clear here.  The Universe NEVER conspires against you…EVER!!!!

The only one who ever conspires against you, is you!  Not other people, not obstacles, just you!

Once a dream is placed into your heart and it is met with passion that burns in your gut, it is yours to claim.

It is human nature to look for signs of being on the right path to our goal.  We also look for signs that we are on the wrong path.  In fact, almost as soon as you have a desire and put it in writing, you start seeing opportunities appear and this gives you assurance that you made a right choice.  But as soon as it gets hard or we start facing obstacles, self-doubt shows up to talk us out of it.

We start looking for evidence that something has gone wrong.

What’s Going On

Here is what is happening…

Our primal brain is surveying and always looking for the risk, the danger and serving up information to us like it the news and that it’s all true.  Then we are adding our thoughts and interpreting the information as being good or bad, positive or negative or neutral by the thoughts that we have about the information that we were given.

When things get hard, we start feeling resistance, we start second guessing our good judgement, we start over analyzing, we start filling up with self-doubt, we start thinking something has gone wrong.

Our brain is just trying to talk us out of our goal in order to keep us safe from some of the uncomfortable emotions we are bound to feel on this journey. Our brain wants us to go back to bed, watch Netflix, drink beer and eat Cheetos.

As humans, we think that our target should be a straight shot, and should be all sunshine, daisies, rainbows and unicorns as lone as we are on the right path.  We start to feel like something has gone wrong as soon as it gets hard.

The opposite is true…

As soon as it gets hard and you feel resistance, you are right on track!

There are so many lessons to be learned on our journey to becoming the person that can create the result we want.  If we were already that person, if we had already grown and evolved, we would have already created the result.

What you are feeling is resistance.  When you feel the resistance and self-doubt and confusion and all the other things show up, lean in.  Embrace it and open up to the lesson right in front of you.

Consider the notion that the resistance that you are experiencing is an indicator and that all it is..  It’s an indicator that you are on the right track, heading into growth, the lesson is straight ahead and lean in.

If you recall last year Steve and I made the decision to move our fur family and ourselves to Florida, half way across the country.  We didn’t know how, we just knew what.  Within days of the decision, opportunities to make that dream a reality were presented to us.  We saw everyone of them and jumped, both feel.

Here is the deal…we weren’t looking for signs, we weren’t second guessing any decision, even when things got hard and ugly and challenging…and they did.

We made decisions that we loved and we made decisions that we didn’t love and then made different decisions that we loved.

You should go watch the replay if you have not seen it.

You are smarter and stronger than you think and you are braver than you will have to be on this journey.

I knew moving my two horses would be a challenge and it was.  I knew I had to be brave and do it anyway.  What I learned in the process of figuring it all out, I could not have learned by quitting, by turning around and going back.  When I leaned into the fear, I saw the lessons.  I learned that it wasn’t as hard as I was making it, and I didn’t have to be nearly as brave as I expected.

So, What Do I Do?

No one gets a straight shot to their target.  The obstacles on the course are there to encourage growth, evolve you and create an experience that allows you to show up as your highest and best self, even when it’s hard, even when you feel like quitting, even when you experience failure and doubt and worry.  Even when…

We spend way tooooooo much time avoiding failure and the truth is that you cannot have success without failure.  It’s not going to feel good all the time, it’s going to be painful at times and yet, it’s supposed to be exactly like that.

If it’s not, your goal isn’t big enough, you are under-dreaming, under-goaling, underestimating your own worth and value and talent and gifts.

When you spend your time trying to avoid failure, you are also avoiding success.  You can’t have one without the other my friends, it does not work that way.

Embrace it, lean in and go claim you prize!

Transformation Tuesday Replays.

Posted in goals, motivation

Who Do You Have To Become?

When you think about your goals and living your life by design, what comes up for you?

Do you think about what you HAVE to have ?  Maybe you start thinking about what you HAVE to do?  You might even think about the HOW.

I know when I think of a big goal, one of those that seems totally impossible, my brain always asks me, “how do you plan and doing that?”

What if you shifted the focus to WHO?  Who do you HAVE to become?

Whatever your goal is…

Who do you have to become?  Who will you be when you get their?  How will you have transformed yourself?  What transformations will you have experienced to get there?  What kind of things do you have to let go of?  What self-limiting beliefs are not serving you?  What new beliefs do you need to believe?  What do you need to learn?  How many times are you willing to fail?

What do you need to think in  to create the result that you want?

  • To become a fit and healthy person, you need to think like a fit an healthy person.
  • To create a loving and kind relationship, you need to think like loving and kind person.
  • To be a successful entrepreneur, you need to think like a successful entrepreneur.

So how do you do that from where you are now?  How do you do that on your journey to becoming the new version of you, the one that created the result?  How do you do that when you have never done that before?

One step at a time, one decision at a time, one useful thought at a time!

If you are stuck, ready to get it in gear, ready to start living your life by design instead of default…ping me!

I am offering a free 30 minute session to work out your kinks and get you on the goal track.  Click here to set up your free session.  Click here to find out what it’s like to work with me.

 

Posted in goals, motivation

Job Love

Do you get the Sunday  night blues, every night of the week?

Do you vent about your boss or the company or co-workers?

Do you dread the workday?

Do you feel disengaged?

We all do from time to time, that’s why vacations or so useful.  But, if you find yourself in this state most of the time, it’s time to do something about it.

Now most of the time people think they need to get a new job or get a new boss but I don’t think that is necessary at all!  I think you need to get a new mindset!

This is the one area that you can experience the most profound transformation in the shortest period of time and experience the biggest benefit…overnight.

I normally say that thought work is simple but it’s not easy.  In this case, not only is this thought work simple…it’s a piece of cake.

Why is it important to step into this work?

  • We spend a lot of time at work, too much time to not enjoy it.
  • When we vent to others, there is no upside, in fact, we bring them into our negative energy.
  • To wake up in dread every day is a total waste of your life and for sure you are dragging that into work with you.
  • Lack of engagement spreads and breeds like bacteria, you don’t want to be the carrier.
  • If you want to make more money, get a promotion or even get a better job…you will need a new mindset.

Now some of you might think that if you had a different boss or different co-workers that you would not need a new mindset.  That is actually not true.  In fact, if you do not work on your mindset now, you will just carry this baggage with you and eventually you will find yourself in a job you don’t like working with people you don’t like.

It’s true!

So many of us have the idea that it’s our boss’s job, our company’s job, or our co-workers responsibility to make us feel motivated, inspired, fulfilled, relevant, respected, appreciated, utilized, liked, satisfied valued etc…

That my friends is an inside job.

It has never been and it never will be anyone’s job, or responsibility to make you feel anything about your job..that can only come from you.

This is the best news ever, because when you are dependent on someone else to make you feel better, you will always be let down and disappointed.  When you assume responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings, you are empowered and not at the effect of someone else.

When you change the way that you look at things, the things you look at change…

When you think a thought like, “My boss is an idiot and a micro-manager,” how does that make YOU show up in the workplace?  How does that thought contribute to YOUR results?  Probably not getting the best results right?  I know that you think you can hide your feelings well and that it does not affect your work…your are so wrong.  It shows up, it’s not a secret.

And remember, your brain wants to prove your thoughts true (confirmation bias).  Your brain will serve you all the evidence that you need in order to keep thinking that your boss is an idiot and a micro-manager, even when it’s not true!!!!

It works the other way too…

What if you tried on the thought, “My boss is knowledgeable and interested in my work.”  When you think that, how does that feel?  How do you think that you would show up differently?

As you think that thought, your brain will also serve you evidence that those thoughts are true too, even if they are not!  I ask you, which thought serves you better?  It is that easy!

I am so convinced that I can help you make an overnight transformation in this area that I am willing to help you out for free!  That’s right.  I will work with you for 30 minutes at no charge and no obligation and we will get you into the right mindset so that you can learn to love your job, your boss and your co-workers.  All you have to do is let me know and I will schedule your free session.

When you are able to step into the person who takes ownership of your own emotions, you are able to create any result that you desire.

Sign me up for my free session.

Watch the Transformation Tuesday Replays here.

Posted in goals, motivation

10 Ways We Quit Ourselves

In my blog, “Why Can’t I Get off My A&$”, I explained the brains Motivational Triad as the reason why our motivation wanes.

Maybe this resonates with you:

  • You plan on sticking to a meal plan but then you break and abandon the plan.
  • You intend on finishing projects on time but then, well… you don’t
  • You plan on reading more, meditating, yoga…you know, all that “good for the soul” stuff, and then you get too rushed, too busy, too tired.
  • You say you are going to work out at least four days a week and that plan falls short most weeks. Continue reading “10 Ways We Quit Ourselves”
Posted in goals, motivation

Everything is figure-out-able!

How many times do you catch yourself saying, “I don’t know or I can’t.”

Maybe it sounds like, “I don’t know why I just can’t lose weight?”  “I don’t know how to….”  “I don’t have enough time.”  “I don’t have enough money.”  ‘I can’t figure out how to…”

These thoughts give us permission to quit on ourselves because as long as we think that we don’t know how or we can’t, we don’t have to take action, so we don’t.

We let ourselves off the hook!  When we do that, we rob ourselves and the world the benefit of showing up as our best selves.

Repeat after me…”Everything is figure-out-able!”  I know that isn’t a real word, but it should be.

Watch what happens in your life when you stop saying “I don’t know or I can’t,” and you start saying, “I am going to figure this thing out.”

As much as your brain really, really, really hates it when you introduce goals that require change, your brain loves accomplishment.

When you figure this thing out, your brain will get a dopamine hit and ask, “what’s next?”

For whatever you want to do, there is a way!

Now go be “figuring it out” goal digger!

 

Posted in goals, motivation, Time

Procrastincation

Procrastination and Perfectionism are different sides to the same coin.  Both rooted in fear.  Neither serve you in showing up as your highest and best self.

We think we work better under the pressure of time.  That is what we have told ourselves to justify putting things off until the last minute.

Here is why that works for you.

A few blogs ago, I did a blog and a Facebook Live on time.  I talked about how to manage all the things that you have to do by putting in your calendar only allowing yourself so much time to get something done.

By doing that, you are laser focused for that period of time, you aren’t doing anything else.  You aren’t scrolling social media or taking calls.  You are head down and knocking it out.  You have constrained the amount of time that you are giving yourself to get it done.

That’s actually what you are doing by waiting until the last minute to do the thing, procrastinating.  That is exactly why you think that you work better under pressure.

But here is why procrastination isn’t serving you…

From the time that you find out that you need to do “the thing” until you actually do the thing, you ruminate on it.  You dread it, you think about doing it and decide to wait.  It hangs over you like a cloud.  It feels heavy, like a bag of bricks…you know what I am talking about.

You are eating up all of your time thinking about the thing you are putting off instead of enjoying your life, instead of getting stuff done, instead of knocking things out and even getting ahead.

Putting things off doesn’t solve anything, there is no upside.  In fact, it adds to overwhelm!

We tend to put off the things that we don’t feel like we do well.  We put off doing things that we don’t like to do.  We put off doing things that require we get help or figure out how to do.

The reason why you feel like you do your best work when you put things off and wait until the last minute is because you have imposed a time allowance.  You have constrained the amount of time to get the thing done.

You don’t have to do that on the back end of the deadline.  You can front end that process, get it done and then enjoy the feeling of having the thing done!

Think of what a hero you would be at work if you didn’t procrastinate, think about what a hero you would be to you!

Watch the Facebook Live Video on Procrastination here.

If you need help managing your time and overcoming perfectionism or procrastination, sign up for a mini session.  Let’ get’er done!

 

 

Posted in goals, motivation

Perfectionism…Why It’s Holding You Back

I used to wear the label “perfectionism” like a title.  So proud.  I guess I thought since it had the word “perfect” in the label that meant I was getting close…to being perfect.

I would use that term to describe myself.  I have blonde hair, blue eyes and I am a perfectionist.  I would tell prospective employers, like that was going to get me the job!

If you identify with being a perfectionist, I want you to really think about what it means.

It means that you that you are not putting your work out into the world until it is perfect, A+ work, nothing but the best, no imperfections. It means that you are not creating the results that you want because it’s not perfect.

Being a perfectionist actually keeps you from showing up as your highest and best self.  It means that while you are trying to produce A+ work, ruminating in perfectionism, someone else is putting out B- work and killing it!

How perfect do you think the first automobile was, the first PC, the first anything?

Someone will always come behind you and find something to tweek that will make the thing better, and that doesn’t mean that there was anything wrong with you or your version.

You all have gifts, you have talent, and the world needs to see them.

Where would we be if Bill Gates waited until his PC was perfect before he showed anyone?  I want you to really think about it…

What if you jumping out there being all imperfect is what inspires someone else to jump out there too.  I have a story about that here.

Perfectionism is what your brain has you ruminating in as an effort to protect you from failure, rejections and humiliation.  It sounds like a good thing, like you have higher standards of excellence, like you are more driven than someone else, you work harder.   You are wrong!

Put your work out there.  You have a song to sing that people need to hear.  You have a book to write that people need to read.  You have problems to solve that people need solutions for.

If you are waiting to raise your hand until you have to perfect words to say and the perfect tone, the perfect everything, the world won’t know how awesome you are…with all of your flaws…FLAWESOME!!!

It doesn’t matter how you got there, I get it!  In a world where nothing but an A will do, B- is uncomfortable.  Guess what?  That’s exactly what you need to do…being willing to be uncomfortable is the key to success.

As perfectionists, we think that setting high demands for ourselves always results in growth and success.  It turns out, by setting such strict, high standards we are ultimately self-sabotaging our efforts.  Setting unrealistic expectations is also severely unhealthy.

Perfectionism is a fixed mindset.  A fixed mind does not grow!

There are tons of reasons why perfectionism is debilitating for our mindset.  Stress, overwhelm, anxiety depression, low or no productivity, low self-worth, missed opportunities…

In a world where we are inundated with Pinterest perfect everything, someone is waiting to be inspired by your imperfection!

Watch my Facebook live to hear about how my imperfection has inspired others.  I share two examples.  

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, imperfect goal digger!!!!

 

Posted in goals, motivation

Self Confidence or Arrogance?

During a recent workshop on creating self-confidence, I got a great question…

“If I start showing up with more self confidence, won’t people think that I am being or becoming arrogant?”

That really made me stop and think about how often we might not show up as our highest and best self, on purpose, because part of us thinks that any demonstration of self-confidence could be mistaken for arrogance.

We shrink so others won’t mistake our confidence for arrogance.

So, let me just set the record straight on that one!

Arrogance is 100% when someone thinks that they are a better human being than someone else.

Self-Confidence is the energy of excellence, even in failure.  Self-confidence is a state of being and energy in maturity, sophistication, elegance, grace, strength and love…

Self-confidence is when we trust ourselves and our abilities, capacities and judgements.   We trust us to have our own back and honor our decisions.

As you increase your capacity to love yourself with all of your awesome flaws (flawsome), you are increasing your capacity to show up as your highest and best self even when it’s hard, even when it’s scary, even when you have never done it before.  You increase your capacity to give love and receive love.

Self-confidence is when we trust ourselves to create the result that we want, make healthy decisions, be a good judge of character.  Self-confidence is an amazing asset that helps push us through doubt and fear and indecision.  Self-confidence helps us take the sting out of rejection and humiliation.

Self-confidence comes from a place of love, abundance, maturity and security.

Arrogance is someone who thinks that they are a better human than someone else.  They build up their ego by putting others down.  Arrogance is born out of insecurity, scarcity, immaturity and fear.

This is my opinion…but, I don’t think you can have too much self-confidence.  That’s like saying you can have too much love or too much abundance, or too much maturity or too much security or have to much of an energy of excellent even in failure.  Not possible.

Having self-confidence does not make you arrogant, arrogance makes you arrogant.

A self-confident person has a deep capacity to love others and be vulnerable.  Self-confident people are easy to be around and easy to talk to.   Self-confident people are comfortable to be around.

An arrogant person does not love themselves, does not trust themselves or anyone else.  They hide their vulnerabilities.  They are not easy or fun to be around at all!!!

I hope this explanation gives you confidence to show up as someone who loves and trusts yourself deeply.  Show up with self-confidence, it’s a good look!

Here is a link to the Transformation Tuesday Facebook live all about self-confidence.

 

 

Posted in goals, motivation

Why Your Brain Wants You to Quit

Your brain is designed to scan for what is wrong or how we can do better, that’s how we have stayed alive and evolved over time.

That’s the old operating system that isn’t working for the modern day world we live in.  We have to train the operating system to look for what is going right, what’s working.

When we don’t believe that we can create the result that we want, our brain says it’s time to quit.  It says that you don’t know how, or your too old or you don’t have the money or this life isn’t meant for you, the job was never yours, you have too much to learn to be promotable.

We don’t lose the ability to achieve the result we want, we lose the belief that we can create it.

Your brain is trying to protect you from feeling frustrated, being tired, being uncomfortable, being scared or nervous, all the emotions that bubble up when we are in a growth state.  But that’s where all the good stuff is.  That is where our evolution happens.

I almost quit on one of my goals last week.  I stopped believing that I could produce a result that I wanted.  So my brain started looking for evidence that something was wrong, to give me an excuse, to justify my quit.  I literally had to step in, take over and stop the thought loop and understand that these were thought errors.  They were not warning signs, they were waning signs.  Signs that my belief in myself waning.

You might have some legit reasons to stop pursuing a goal.  It might be too dangerous or not mentally healthy but for the most part, we want to quit because we stop believing.

Let’s be honest.  It’s easy to believe when there is evidence but we must believe even when there is none.

Ask yourself where else this has shown up in your life?  Where else did you stop believing in yourself and maybe quit on yourself in a relationship, at a job, school, business, your passion…

Decide

Believe

Commit

Believe

Let your brain throw a fit

Believe

Take action

Believe

Celebrate your belief in yourself!

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, believing goal digger!!!!

Transformation Tuesday Facebook live replay

Posted in goals, motivation

Failing Does Not Make You A Failure

I have been talking to a lot of people about why they don’t set big goals, the ones that seem impossible and outrageous.

I mean, let’s be honest, we pretty much set the ones that we know we have a pretty good shot at hitting.

We set goals within the possibilities of what we believe we can accomplish. Why? We don’t want to feel like a failure. We don’t want to feel what it would feel like to fail.

There is a reason for that, in fact there are two:

  1. You are human
  2. You have a brain

You are probably noticing a pattern, those two reasons are the reasons for everything!

That is the best news…

Your brain wants to seek pleasure, avoid pain and conserve energy. Setting goals well within your possibility of achievement makes your brain very, very, very comfortable. But that is not where growth and transformation happen.

Your willingness to seek growth, be uncomfortable and take massive action (not to be confused with frantic action) is the key to showing up as your highest and best self and getting the results that you want.

  • Be willing to seek growth by face planting, and then doing better next time.
  • Be willing to be uncomfortable…your brain will really fight you on this.
  • Take massive action by not stopping until you get the result that you want.

Don’t take your eyes off of the goal just because you have a fail. Be willing to fail again and again and keep going, keep growing.

For example: if losing weight is your goal, be willing to learn how to eat healthy (seeking growth), be willing to step on the scale every day and fail to see the needle move (uncomfortable) be willing to eat clean and move your body anyway (massive action).

Do it until you get the result that you want.

True Story:
I remember my very first ever horse-back riding lesson about 8 years ago. I showed up to the lesson all excited about learning how to ride. We learned how to groom, tack up the horse and then we were led to the arena where it was time to get on. I stepped up to the mounting block like a boss and put my foot into the stirrup, added a little weight to hoist myself up and I proceeded to fall off of the mounting block and under the horse. Not once, not twice, not even three times…four times people!

It was humiliating, it was frustrating, nothing comfortable about failing under a horse 4 times in front of everyone.

But in April, Kit and I will ride for a bronze medal in Western Dressage. I have failed thousands of times over the last 8 years. Every fail was a lesson, every fail filled in the gaps of knowledge and understanding until self-doubt was replaced with self-growth.

Failing does not make you a failure, it makes your determined!

Now, go be a goal setting, failing, goal getting, goal digger!!!

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