Posted in goals

Old Belief Resistance

It is not possible to sit with two opposing beliefs at the same time and be comfortable.

So most of us stay where we feel most comfortable.  Even if it doesn’t feel good, it’s familiar and that makes it feel comfortable.

That is exactly how our life just keeps repeating.  Rinse and repeat.

“Cognitive Dissonance” is when you have two conflicting thoughts in your brain.  This creates discord and discomfort.  Most people give up on the new thought and go back to the old thought because it is way easier.

Here is an example:  “I want to be fit and healthy but one donut won’t hurt.”

The thought “one donut won’t hurt” is so easy to think and it drives behavior to eat things off your eat plan.  It even sounds like the truth.

The thought, “I want to be fit” is new and serves you but takes a lot of practice and prefrontal cortex thinking to keep thinking that thought until it becomes automatic and starts driving new behaviors.

Don’t panic if this happens while you are trying to believe your new thoughts.  It’s just your brain trying to make sense of your new thinking and it seems like a threat, it’s all good.

The key to really breaking the cycle of attracting the wrong people into my life, attracting unfavorable circumstances into my life, and feeling like I was living at the cause and effect of everything around me was for me to challenge all of my old thoughts, my old beliefs, the ones that were not serving me the results I wanted to create.

Here are just a few old beliefs that I have challenged:

  • I don’t like….insert about a hundred things.
  • I don’t want…insert a million things.
  • This is just the way I am.
  • I can’t…
  • I am not good at…
  • I have always struggled with…

None of these thoughts served me or helped to evolve me or helped me to show up as my highest and best self.

And, here is an eye opener…how you describe you and your life is exactly what you invite into it.  WHAT???

Here are some things that I hear people say when they are just casually talking about what is going on in their lives…

  • I am always broke
  • I can’t afford…
  • That’s way out of my reach
  • My job is hard and stressful
  • I can’t do anything right these days
  • People don’t respect me
  • My kids, husband, boss, friends are annoying
  • I will always be fat

How you describe your life is exactly what you invite!!!  That was totally worth repeating.

Those are just thoughts but they are powerful in the way that they manifest your circumstances.   They are powerful in the way that they become habitual thoughts and powerful in how they make you feel, drive your actions and create your results.

They are disempowering and they are all lies!

Go back and read my previous blogs about how to create new thoughts that serve you.  I am extremely passionate about sharing this knowledge with all of you so that you can experience transformations in your own life.

Let’s go be goal setting, goal getting, goal diggers!!!!

Posted in goals

Why is Believing So Important?

Think about it…what if we only ever believed in things that we only saw evidence for?

Someone had to believe that we could have electricity and lights and power and running water and cars and airplanes.  Think about our internet technology of today, our cell phones our ability to communicate, travel, do anything that we want.

It all started with a thought, followed by a decision,, followed by a commitment, followed by action.

Notice, I didn’t say that they sat around wondering, hoping, ruminating, sitting in a space of indecision and self-pity…they took action.  They took action without evidence that they would be successful.

They didn’t wait until they “knew how.”  They took action.  Massive action.  Not frantic action, massive action.

But the thing that kept all of our great inventors, creators and collaborators going was belief that they were going to figure this out, that they were going to be successful, eventually.

They were willing to fail thousands of times, in fact they did, they all did.

None of us has evidence that we will be successful in pursuit of becoming our highest and best self as long as we keep looking to the past for the answers.

The answer is not there.  If it were, we would already have accomplished the things, acquired the things and achieved all the things.  We would have the jobs, careers, relationships of our dreams.  We would feel the level of self-worth we dream of.  We would have the business, the hobby, the passion we think about.  We would already have it all.

We are all on a journey to create our best life, design a life that we are proud of living.  Not because it up levels our worth to the world, but because it adds color, texture, flavor and value to our lives.  Because we were born to evolve into living our best life and show up as our highest and best self.  That is our creators desire for us.

Love the journey!

Every day I wake up and ask myself, “how can I be my best today, for my boss, my peers, my friends, my family, my horses, my students…?”  I literally sit down and write it out.  What does it look like, what does it mean, what do I do when I show up as my best self.  Then I start moving, taking action, showing up as that person.

It doesn’t always go as planned because I am human.  But I have a plan to believe every day that I can show up as my best.

When you start out every day with the belief that you have the ability to create the results that you want, you wake up with a mission every day.  That belief follows you around all day long and helps you make decisions from that space of belief.  Sometimes that belief leads the way and shows you opportunities.

You start living as that person who can create that result.  Then you start creating that result.

Believe that you have a unique gift that the world needs to see.  No one can do it like you can!  Believe from the person that you are becoming, not from your past.

I hope that this was helpful and useful.

Now, go be a believing, goal setting, goal getting, goal digger.

Posted in goals

Believing New Things Part 4 – (The Final Steps in the Process)

So, what to do with the new thought, the new belief that you want to believe, the one that will serve you better as you up level your life?

For sure, read the first 3 blogs on this subject if you haven’t already.

This work is so powerful and it will change how you show up in the world…when you do the work.

By now, you have written down your old belief.  For example, “I don’t read and comprehend well.”  You have written down your new belief, the one that you want to believe, the one that will serve you.  For example, “I read and comprehend complex material and I know how to apply  it.”

The next step is to look at that new thought and write down all of the thoughts and feelings that bubble up for you.  Do not try to do this in your head.  There are too many thoughts swirling around up there.  This work is about precision.

When I looked at my new thought for the first time, I thought things like, “that’s a lie, you are making no sense, you have always been this way, you are an imposter.”  Yep, I thought all of those things.

Don’t be surprised if your brain is a little hard on you the first time that you try to believe your new thought.  The old thought is easier, it’s familiar, it’s automatic.  The new thought takes energy, intention and requires a lot more prefrontal attention.  The new thought won’t feel comfortable at all!  That’s how you know you are doing it right.

Practice and repetition is how you learned to believe your old thought and that is going to get you to a space of belief in your new thought.

For the next 30 days, write down your new thought, new belief that you want to believe.  Then write down what you think and how you feel about the new thought.

For me, the first few days were awful.  I fell like such a fraud trying to believe that I could read and comprehend complex material.

But by day 4, something happened.

There was a shift in how I felt about the new thought.  I started seeing evidence that my new thought was true!  I started feeling authentic in my thought and new belief.  It felt comfortable and automatic.

How did that change my life?

I am not in fear of any email that hits my inbox.  I know with confidence that I will be able to read and comprehend that material and I will figure out how it applies.  I show up bigger, I show up excited to contribute to meetings, I show up!

My old belief made me show up small, hold back, sit in fear and anxiety about everything.  I didn’t contribute like I should have, like I could have.  I wasn’t the partner in life or in work that I am today, I wasn’t my highest best self.

My new belief is empowering and it allows me to be a more relevant contributor everywhere!

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!!!

 

Posted in goals

Believing New Things Part 3

Hopefully you have read part 1 and 2 and now you are ready to start the process of believing new things.

Have you ever thought about what makes us believe what we believe?  Two things, practice and repetition.  You might be thinking, what about evidence?  Read on…

I had practiced my thought of “I don’t read and comprehend well” all of my life.  What is important to understand is that there was mountains of evidence to prove that thought was not true and yet, I believed it.  It was “who I am,” it became “just what I have to deal with.”

I had done well in school, I had taken several insurance licensing tests, security tests, Real Estate tests, my CRCM etc…I had tons of evidence that I could read and comprehend very well.

So really think about this, just because you think it, does not make it true, it just means that you think it is true!

So right now, grab that old belief that you want to dismantle and let’s get started.

  1.  Write out the old belief in a narrative.  For example, “I don’t read and comprehend well.”
  2. Decide what you want to believe instead.  Write that out very clearly.  For example, “I read and comprehend complex material and I know how to apply it.”

Note:   I even added a level of thought to my new belief.  I up-leveled my thinking.

Don’t worry if you don’t think it is true right now.  Remember, practice and repetition is how you get there.  You may not feel good thinking the new thought, you may even feel like it’s a lie.  Don’t worry, it’s just your brain trying to make sense of your new thoughts.

Most people give up believing the new thought too soon.

Why?

Even though we don’t like the old thought or belief, it’s familiar, we have learned to live with it, we may even be emotionally attached to it.  You may have fallen for the line, “It’s just how I am.”

The new thought may not have anything to back it up right now and that’s OK.  Remember, your brain wants to prove your thoughts true.  As soon as you decide to believe in your new thought, you will start seeing evidence that it is true.  I promise.

In the next blog, I am going to talk about what to do with your new thought.  For now, just be with it.  Right down what bubbles up for you when you think it.

Write it all down, don’t try to do this in your head, it won’t work.

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!

 

Posted in goals

Believing New Things Part 2

Last March, in Self Coaching Scholars, the subject was Believing New Things.  The homework was to find an old belief that doesn’t serve me and work on it.

I really believed that I had done so much work that I wasn’t carrying around any old beliefs that didn’t serve me.

Boy was I wrong!

So, I am sitting at my desk, reading email and it hit me.  Dread filled my body, I didn’t want to read this email.  The subject sounded complicated, like I wouldn’t understand it, wouldn’t comprehend it.

“I don’t read and  comprehend well.”

This is a belief that I carried around with me since the second grade.  My mind flashed back to a time,  I remember sitting at the dining room table reading stories over and over again, trying to tell my mom details of what I had just read.  It was not fun for me or for my mother.

Soon, it was resolved, that’s just the way I am!

If we do nothing with our old beliefs, they will continue to create our future results.  That’s the life loop that we can get caught up in.

Do you feel like you are in a life loop?

Listen, we get to believe anything we want, there are no rules to what we choose to believe.  That’s the best news ever!

So why do we choose that old thought to believe?  Why do we choose the one that doesn’t serve us, even when we see evidence that it’s not even true?

Because, even though it doesn’t feel good to believe that thought, it’s comfortable.  It’s familiar.

So how do you go from believing one thing to believing another thing?  That’s going to be part 3.

This week, continue to be very aware of thoughts that bubble up for you that are limiting.

Thoughts like:

  • I can’t
  • I’ve never been able to
  • I don’t
  • I’m just that way
  • I’ve always struggled with
  • I’m not good at

The list could go on forever.

The point is to be a watcher of your thoughts this week.  Watch for the disempowering ones.  They seem so harmless, so benign, so true!!!!

Be aware of emotions that bubble up like:

  • Dread
  • Worry
  • Anxiety
  • Overwhelm
  • Jealousy
  • Self-doubt

Find the thought that created the emotion.

This is going to be powerful work that changes your life!

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!!!

 

 

Posted in goals

Believing New Things Part 1

  • I will always be broke.
  • I wish I was happier.
  • I will always be fat.
  • I am ugly.
  • My job stinks.
  • My boss hates me.
  • I am unlovable.
  • I can’t get ahead.
  • He’s an idiot.
  • He’s a jerk.
  • No one cares about me.
  • I’m not worthy.
  • My kids are rude.
  • I hate my life.
  • I am so unlucky.
  • I can’t…
  • I don’t know how…

What do you believe about you?  What do you believe about your life?  What do you believe about others?  What do you believe about your career?

What ever you believe about you, your life and the people in your life, is what you invite into it.  Powerful!

None of these thoughts serve us but yet they come to us so easily, so quickly and we believe them.  Even when we have evidence that they are not true!  It’s fascinating!!

Your brain wants to prove your thoughts true, 100% of the time.  In fact, 100%, the results that you are getting in any area of your life are due to the thoughts that you are thinking.  Your thoughts determine how you show up in your world.  At home, at work, in your community…it determines what you attract into your world!

What results are you experiencing right now that you are not happy with?

Changing your results start with changing your thoughts.

It’s not that easy, but it is that simple.

It’s our thoughts that trigger our feelings and our emotions that fuel  our actions or non-actions, and that my friends, is how we end up with the results that we end up with.

So, what thoughts do you have that don’t serve you? What thoughts do you have that are attracting things into your life that don’t serve you?

It’s time to retrain your brain to think thoughts that serve you.

I strongly believe that when we are in pursuit of our goal that we don’t give up because we don’t want it anymore, we give up because we don’t believe that we can create the results.  It’s a belief issue not an ability issue.

Think about it…think about that thing that you feel like quitting right now.  If you knew the time and date that you would hit your target, get that thing, would you still quit?  If you were guaranteed a 100% outcome, would you give up now?

If the answer is no, you have lost your belief.  It’s totally normal and your brain’s way of keeping you in the cave.  But here is the problem…if you quit now, you will miss out on the person that you would become on the journey.

In March, Self Coaching Scholars does a focus on believing new things.  I experienced a major life transformation when I did this work last year.  So much, that I tell everyone who will listen how powerful this work is and I give you the steps to believing new things.

The first step is to become very aware of thoughts that don’t serve you.  That’s tricky but you must do that.

At first, I thought I didn’t have any.  I thought I had done so much work that I didn’t have a self-limiting belief to work on.

Then one day I was very aware of the emotion of dread.

BAM!!!  What was the thought?  Why was I feeling like this?

Awareness is step one.  this week, be very aware of your emotions.  Write them down.  Write down the thoughts that you are thinking that contribute to how you are feeling.

Stay tuned for Step 2 in the next blog.

Now go be a thought thinking, goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!

Posted in goals, motivation

Why Your Brain Wants You to Quit

Your brain is designed to scan for what is wrong or how we can do better, that’s how we have stayed alive and evolved over time.

That’s the old operating system that isn’t working for the modern day world we live in.  We have to train the operating system to look for what is going right, what’s working.

When we don’t believe that we can create the result that we want, our brain says it’s time to quit.  It says that you don’t know how, or your too old or you don’t have the money or this life isn’t meant for you, the job was never yours, you have too much to learn to be promotable.

We don’t lose the ability to achieve the result we want, we lose the belief that we can create it.

Your brain is trying to protect you from feeling frustrated, being tired, being uncomfortable, being scared or nervous, all the emotions that bubble up when we are in a growth state.  But that’s where all the good stuff is.  That is where our evolution happens.

I almost quit on one of my goals last week.  I stopped believing that I could produce a result that I wanted.  So my brain started looking for evidence that something was wrong, to give me an excuse, to justify my quit.  I literally had to step in, take over and stop the thought loop and understand that these were thought errors.  They were not warning signs, they were waning signs.  Signs that my belief in myself waning.

You might have some legit reasons to stop pursuing a goal.  It might be too dangerous or not mentally healthy but for the most part, we want to quit because we stop believing.

Let’s be honest.  It’s easy to believe when there is evidence but we must believe even when there is none.

Ask yourself where else this has shown up in your life?  Where else did you stop believing in yourself and maybe quit on yourself in a relationship, at a job, school, business, your passion…

Decide

Believe

Commit

Believe

Let your brain throw a fit

Believe

Take action

Believe

Celebrate your belief in yourself!

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, believing goal digger!!!!

Transformation Tuesday Facebook live replay

Posted in goals

We Become the Best at Whatever We Practice the Most!

I don’t even know who said this originally but I love this quote, “It’s a slow process, but quitting won’t speed it up.”

My life coach, Brooke Castillo says, “Quitting is a habit and justifying quitting is a skill.”

What we practice the most is what we get the best at doing.

And that goes for everything…if you are practicing overeating, you’re getting better at overeating.

If you’re practicing over drinking, you’re getting better at over drinking.  If you are practicing at over spending, over working, over anything, that is what you are getting really good at.

If you are in the habit of quitting, then you have been practicing quitting.

If you’re practicing justifying why you’re quitting, you’re getting better at that.”

There is no reason to continue on the course of quitting things and then justifying the quitting and your brain will always try to talk you out of things.

It’s your brain Motivational Triad to seek pleasure, avoid pain and conserve energy.

“Stop quitting and start getting stuff done” is more than my tagline…it’s my thang!!”

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!!!

Link to Transformation Tuesday Facebook Live:  The Impossible Goal Steps 1-3 and MTO Goal Setting

Posted in goals

Goals Fatigue and Taking a Break

I am planning a horse break.  Yes, planning a horse break.  From riding and from my goals of riding.  I did it last year too and it’s time to plan for my break this year.

I am still in the planning stage but it’s coming, I can feel it.

If you know me, you know that there is very little that comes between me and my ride time.

So why do I do it?

I want to be able to talk about how important it is to give yourself a break, to step back from your goal, to re-evaluate, to look at your goal from a different perspective.

In order to talk about it, I need to do it?

I spend tons of time talking about goals and the mindset for achieving goals. It could give you the impression that I don’t believe in taking a break.

I think taking a break is incredibly important and here is why.

Burnout is real! It’s real and it robs you of joy and it is totally preventable.

Perspective is key when you are pursuing a goal. When you are all in it, perspective is hard to find at times.

Sometimes it’s time to push and sometimes it’s time to pull back and relax, reflect and regroup.

For me, the thought of taking a break can provoke fear and anxiety.

Here are the thoughts that are causing the emotions:

  • What will I do with myself?
  • Who would I be if I didn’t ride every day?
  • What would happen to my horses?
  • Would they lose their training if I gave them time off?
  • Would I remember how?
  • What will happen to my body?
  • Will I lose my riding fitness?
  • Will I lose my confidence?
  • What would people think?
  • Would they think I was not committed?
  • Would they think I was lazy?
  • Would they think I had quit?

Sometimes we get so caught up in thinking about our goals and acting upon them that we unconsciously just start going through the motions.  We start doing things just to do things but not because it serves a purpose

Worse, we forget why we are doing this to begin with and exactly what are you going for any way!

You lose perspective.

So what did I experience taking a break?

  • I am still me even if I don’t ride.
  • I am still horse crazy but now I have tons more room in my brain to be creative and do more!
  • My horses do not lose their training, in fact, they get better with a break.
  • I have struggled to get through the sore muscles of taking time off but I love the awareness that I feel in my body while getting back into shape.
  • People did think I had quit and that’s OK! What they think is not my business any way.
  • I love having the time to reflect on the last few years and what I have learned and how I have grown.

Reflect

I love thinking about the future with my girls, Kit and J J, and what I am excited to teach them and experience with them this year.

Dream

I love visualizing my future rides and mentally preparing for the work ahead as we move up the levels.

Ready

Now go be a goal getting, break taking goal digger!

note: Thank you Angie Stokes for the use of your image. Much love!

Posted in goals

The Manual and “Premeditated Resentment”

Having a manual for others is one of the most damaging things we can do to ourselves and to our relationships.

I know, I am speaking from experience here.

The manual is a book of expectations that we have for others.  It’s our manual, but it’s for them. They don’t even know we have it  We feel like they should just know.

In fact, if we have to actually tell them, we make that mean something.  I mean after all, I they loved us, they “should” know.

The manual describes how we would like this person the behave so that we can feel good, feel better and be happy.  It seems harmless, and we feel justified to have these expectations of other people.  I mean, don’t we have a right to expect things from our spouse, our friends, our boss or our co-workers.

Yes, but…

Here’s the problem…

Any time our happiness is tied to someone else’s behavior or our expectation of what they should do, or how they should act, we are sure to be disappointed.  In fact, I think having a manual for someone is “premeditated resentment.”

…and, it’s giving all of our power to someone else, and they have no idea what to do with it.

“Other people’s behavior has no impact on us until we think about it, interpret it and choose to make it mean something.”-Brooke Castillo, The Life Coach School.

Here are a few of my manual expectations:

  • He should act more cheerful when I call
  • He should call me more
  • He should help me with the horses
  • He should walk the dogs once in a while
  • He should be more understanding when I am feeling overwhelmed
  • He should hold my hand more often
  • He should plan more dates
  • He should offer to help me, he knows how much my life has changed moving here
  • He should…

These are all thoughts that were causing resentment.  I was not only wallowing in it, I was smearing it everywhere I could.  I was dragging it with me to every conversation when I was describing “how things were going.”  I was walking the dogs in resentment, I was cleaning stalls in resentment. I was describing my life in resentment.

Every single time he failed, according to my manual, I could feel more and more resentment building.  Spontaneous combustion was right around the corner.

We think that if someone knows us and loves us that they should just know and if they know, they should just do.  When they don’t, we pout, we sulk, we show up snarky, we close down, we start looking for evidence that we are right and they are wrong.  We roll around in self-doubt and self-pity, disappointment and resentment.  We go down a road that is a path to relationship destructions.

We don’t even know that we are showing up creepy and needy when we do this crap.

I stopped the pity party and started seeing that even if he would have done all of those things, I would still not be happy.  That’s my job, my responsibility.

When you are in a space that you just aren’t happy, you really think that someone or something can bring it up for you.  They can’t, nothing can, it’s your job, it’s your responsibility.

When we have a manual for someone, it’s just a matter of time before they let us down, don’t do what they should or say what they should, act how they should.  It’s just a matter of time before you start resenting.

Click here to watch Transformation Tuesday Facebook Live replay where I talk about expectation hangover and the manual and how it is “premeditated resentment.”

When you find yourself going down the road of executing a manual, here is help.  This worksheet will help you define the manual you have for someone so you can throw it out.

Welcome to “Emotional Adulthood.”  Ready to go deeper?

Work with me and let’s get you goaling.

 

 

 

Posted in goals, relationships

When Someone Breaks Your Heart

Sometimes relationships just complete themselves and sometimes they are ripped from our hearts.

We can be left feeling like something went terribly wrong or worse, that something is terribly wrong with us.

We can feel shame, self-pity, self-doubt, rejection, hurt, humiliation, resentment, self-loathing and it feels like ass!!!!

Yep, that’s what I just said. There is no other way to describe it.

You start asking yourself what you did wrong, you question what you could have done differently .

Nothing my dear, nothing!!!!

When someone just leaves like that, without completing the relationship, it doesn’t say anything about you, it doesn’t mean anything about you. It’s all about them. But you are the one sitting here with a broken heart, I get it, it hurts and it sucks.

At the moment, you have just lost the plot. You thought you knew how the story was going to go and then someone changed the plot.

You let them write in your book, that’s it.

They took control of your story line.

It is going to make sense to you one day, as you start writing your story again.

Don’t close the book.  Simply turn the page and start writing a new chapter. The one about healing and self-love.

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger who loves!

Ready to up level your result?  Struggling with relationships is not fun.  Work with me.

 

Posted in goals

The Impossible Goal

Everyone is talking about “The Impossible Goal”.  It’s in all of the success magazines, all of the self help guru podcasts and all over the media with the new year being so new.

Here is why…

As humans, we tend to set goals in alignment with what we believe that we can achieve.  Our brain likes that very much.  We already know how to reach that milestone, we already know how to show up as that person…it’s easy!

Here is a thought for you…what we want is in the future and what we currently believe is from the past.

If we want to create a different future, we are creating something that doesn’t exist in our past and yet, we are constantly looking backwards for evidence of the possibility for future outcomes.  That will never work.

We have to create new beliefs in order to create new results.  We have to think new thoughts until they become our new belief.  It requires that we believe in something that we have never believed before…before the evidence.   It requires that we believe the impossible is possible before we see the evidence.

Brooke Castillo, my life coach teaches that old beliefs resist new vision.  We can’t believe opposing things without being very uncomfortable.  So we stay with what we already know,

But here is the thing.  You get to believe anything you want!  You are the CEO, the CFO, the COO of your brain and what you want to believe.

Listen, everything you are looking at right now was once not possible.  But someone believed in the impossible before there was evidence.

The Wright Brothers believed they could fly a plane before there was evidence of a plane that could fly.

Henry Ford believed in the impossible idea of everyone owning their own personal vehicle one day.  Back then, that was impossible.

Think about it.  Everything we look at today was at one time not possible.  But that didn’t stop the thought of the thing.  It didn’t stop someone from believing before the evidence was available.

Watch my Facebook live from Transformation Tuesday and learn all about The Impossible Goal.  I share what mine is and how much growth my impossible goal generated.

Now, go be an impossible goal setting, impossible goal getting, goal digger.

 

Posted in goals, motivation

Failing Does Not Make You A Failure

I have been talking to a lot of people about why they don’t set big goals, the ones that seem impossible and outrageous.

I mean, let’s be honest, we pretty much set the ones that we know we have a pretty good shot at hitting.

We set goals within the possibilities of what we believe we can accomplish. Why? We don’t want to feel like a failure. We don’t want to feel what it would feel like to fail.

There is a reason for that, in fact there are two:

  1. You are human
  2. You have a brain

You are probably noticing a pattern, those two reasons are the reasons for everything!

That is the best news…

Your brain wants to seek pleasure, avoid pain and conserve energy. Setting goals well within your possibility of achievement makes your brain very, very, very comfortable. But that is not where growth and transformation happen.

Your willingness to seek growth, be uncomfortable and take massive action (not to be confused with frantic action) is the key to showing up as your highest and best self and getting the results that you want.

  • Be willing to seek growth by face planting, and then doing better next time.
  • Be willing to be uncomfortable…your brain will really fight you on this.
  • Take massive action by not stopping until you get the result that you want.

Don’t take your eyes off of the goal just because you have a fail. Be willing to fail again and again and keep going, keep growing.

For example: if losing weight is your goal, be willing to learn how to eat healthy (seeking growth), be willing to step on the scale every day and fail to see the needle move (uncomfortable) be willing to eat clean and move your body anyway (massive action).

Do it until you get the result that you want.

True Story:
I remember my very first ever horse-back riding lesson about 8 years ago. I showed up to the lesson all excited about learning how to ride. We learned how to groom, tack up the horse and then we were led to the arena where it was time to get on. I stepped up to the mounting block like a boss and put my foot into the stirrup, added a little weight to hoist myself up and I proceeded to fall off of the mounting block and under the horse. Not once, not twice, not even three times…four times people!

It was humiliating, it was frustrating, nothing comfortable about failing under a horse 4 times in front of everyone.

But in April, Kit and I will ride for a bronze medal in Western Dressage. I have failed thousands of times over the last 8 years. Every fail was a lesson, every fail filled in the gaps of knowledge and understanding until self-doubt was replaced with self-growth.

Failing does not make you a failure, it makes your determined!

Now, go be a goal setting, failing, goal getting, goal digger!!!

Ready to get goaling with 1:1 coaching?

Posted in goals

Are You Attached to Negative Emotions?

How do you know if you have an attachment to negative emotions?

What are the three most prevalent emotions that you carry around all day? If people would use emotions to describe you, what would they be? How do you describe yourself using emotions?

First of all, it’s normal to have negative thoughts and emotions.  It means that you are human.  In fact, negative thoughts and emotions do serve a purpose.  I mean, it would be really weird to greet devastating news with a smile and joy. 

So what’s the big deal then?

It becomes a big deal when we get attached to negative thoughts and emotions and we wear them like a cozy robe and fuzzy slippers and we use them to describe who we are.

Literally!  It becomes a big deal when we feed our negative thoughts with comfort food and a yummy bottle of wine.  Before long we go shopping…online, in our robes, eating our comfort food, binge watching Mad Men or Orange is the New Black.  

Now, don’t get me wrong, sometimes that is the best way to spend a cold winter day, on purpose, not at the effect of our thoughts and emotions. 

So, what to do…

Remembering the Model:

  • Thoughts Trigger Emotions,
  • Emotions Fuel Behavior, and
  • Behavior Drives Results

Question your thoughts! Be very curious about your thoughts without judging.  Just because you believe something is true, even if you’ve believed it for a long period of time, that doesn’t mean that it is actually true or that it has to be true for the future.

You don’t have to believe your thoughts! 

Your rain wants to prove your thoughts true, all of them, even the wrong ones. 

But here’s the thing: When you believe something is true, you tend to look for things that support those truths and ignore what does not. Beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies.  So if those beliefs are helpful, then YAY! But if you want to experience something different, you have to prove to yourself that something different is possible.

Replace your thoughts! There’s nothing wrong with choosing to have a positive thought. Just know that the negative thought didn’t matter in the first place, it probably wasn’t true and it doesn’t “mean” anything about you. 

When you jump on “negative” thoughts and reject them in a knee-jerk way, you’re saying to yourself, “I’m not good enough. If I were good enough, I wouldn’t have had that thought in the first place.”  This is as negative as the initial thought. 

People think that “thinking positively” is the first step, but first we must become aware and accept that the only reason we feel bad in the first place is because of our thoughts.  Then, try some new thoughts on for size.

New truth! I love positive affirmation but you have to ease into it.  The last thing that you want to do is tell your brain more lies.  Your brain will reject the information and then you will be back where you started. 

Start with the original thought and build bridge thoughts.  Over time, you will have transformed your thoughts and emotions. 

For example; if you have a few pounds to lose, it does no good to look in the mirror and say, “I am never going to have the body of my dreams.”  It also does no good to say, “I have the body of my dreams”.  There is too much of a gap between those two thoughts and your brain will reject the new thought.  Your thought bridge might start with, “I am working on the body of my dreams.”  Building a thought bridge will take time and practice but you will be amazed at how quickly you will replace old thought habits with new thought habits that better serve your purpose.

Now, go get some thoughts that serve you!

Ready to get goaling? Click here to work with me.

Posted in goals

Indulgent Emotions

Worry, anxiety, self-pity, confusion, self-doubt and overwhelm, busy, boredom…all indulgent emotions.

They seem harmless, they seem real, they seem to serve a purpose…they do not.

There are more indulgent emotions, these are just a few that I have worked on myself and they are the most common.

These emotions are habit forming, we even use these emotions to describe who we are…”I am just a worry-wart, that’s just who I am.”

We get attached to indulgent emotions even if they don’t feel good to us, they are familiar and familiar feels comfortable.

They become distractions from other emotions that actually need to be addressed.

Just like we turn to food or drink to buffer from emotions we don’t want to feel, we indulge in overwhelm, worry and anxiety as a distraction to keep us from feeling the emotion we don’t want to feel…fear!

Why does this matter? Because our emotions are the fuel for our actions and actions drive results…it’s everything. If we want to show up as our highest and best self, if we want to live by design and stop living by default, if we want to up-level our results this year, we need to work this out.

Not all negative emotions are bad. It’s not about being positive all the time. I am going to talk all about overwhelm this Tuesday on my Facebook Live Virtual Goal Setting Workshop, “Transformation Tuesday”. Click here to get the notifications.

Now, go be a goal getter!!!

Ready to get goaling? Click on Work With Me.