Posted in goals

Happy Is a Habit

You create your happy by creating “happy habits.”

  • Stop waiting for random “happy” events…create them.
  • Anticipation is a powerful happiness booster.  This is a 2 for 1.  You get  the happy from the anticipation and the actual event.
  • Move your body.  A body in motion…all good stuff.
  • Give to give, not to get.  Turns out that people who give are happier and live longer.
  • Set a goal…you know I love this one!  Too many reasons why on this one, just do it!
  • Get good at creating and maintaining friendships.  (Secret:  I recently had a group Zoom call with some of mine, so fun).
  • Look for the lessons when things feel off.

Guess what happy habits create?  Happy thoughts!  Go be happy!

Posted in Abundance, goals, motivation

How Does Attracting Abundance Work Exactly?

We are energy!  We have energy running through us. If you doubt me, rub your feet on some carpet and touch a another person.  ZAP!

When you think a thought, you create an emotion which is a vibration in your body.  Yep!  You can feel it if you sit and be with your feelings for a while.

Maybe you will feel it in your head, or maybe your stomach, maybe your knees get week, maybe your throat gets tight, maybe your chest gets tights.

Something happens viscerally.

Your emotions become fuel for the way that you show up and present yourself.  Emotions fuel your action or inaction, and that my friends is how we generate, create,  and invite the results that we get.

You literally put off a vibration that attracts like vibrations.

Think about a time that you have walked into a meeting room or any room full of people.  Think about the different vibes you got from different people.  Some people were probably warm and friendly and some were not.   Depending on what they were thinking, they were feeling a certain emotion, and that emotion was emitting a vibe.

Now imagine that you are trying to get a job or a promotion or attract wealth into your life.  If you are showing up with a chip on your shoulder, mad at the world or jealous of everyone else’s good fortune, what do you think you are inviting?

  • We invite lack by thinking about all the things we don’t have
  • We invite scarcity by talking about what we can’t afford
  • We invite drama by talking about other people and their drama
  • We invite anxiety and overwhelm by stating those emotions as how we feel

Whatever you focus on grows.  Have you ever noticed that?  Try it.

Try going through the day and noticing all of the things that you love.  Be very aware of all of the things that you see, feel, taste, smell…all of it.  Write it all down all day long.

At first it will not come easy and then as you go along throughout the day, things that you love will feel abundant.

It works in reverse too…

The day starts out terribly and just gets worse.  You get to work and nothing goes right.  The whole day feels off and you just want this one to end so that you can start over.

What is the difference?  Your thoughts!

Sure, things happen, they happen to all of us.  What we think, and what we make them mean about us, and how we respond, is what sets the rest of the day up.

We can either invite more of the frustration or we can stop, take a deep breath, find a thought that flips the script and invite what we want instead.

Like attracts like.  We have all heard that, but here is how it works.

If you are feeling happy and energized your give off that “vibe” (this is not woo, it’s science) and you attract people and experiences that are on the same current, the same frequency.

If you show up grouchy and pissy, you forecast that vibe in the way you walk, the way that you talk and the way that you move through your space.  Even if you try to mask it…you are not fooling anyone!

You attract more of the same experiences that are on that frequency.  You also attract the people who love nothing more that to be pissy and grouchy with you!  Misery truly does love company.

Attracting, inviting and creating abundance in any area of your life is not complicated.  It is only complicated by our thoughts.

We think in order to feel better, we just need to find a new job or make our boss understand or get through to our spouse and co-workers.

Nope, the only thing you need to do is manage you… manage your thoughts.

Now, saying that, doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it is the way the Universe works!

So, exactly how do you invite more of what you want into your life?  Gratitude!  Yep, turns out, that is the quickest way to up-level your vibe.

Gratitude cannot exist in the same space as anxiety, frustration and overwhelm.

We can get so easily distracted by the wanting of more and feeling of lack and scarcity.  But when we stop and sit in a space of gratitude and thankfulness for what we have,  we are given even more to be grateful for.

Managing your thoughts takes practice, you don’t get good at it over night, but…  I am here to help!

I have only a few spots available in my Abundance Warrior Boot Camp.  Click here to see if it is right for you!

Click here to watch my Facebook Live Transformation Tuesday Virtual Workshop on Money Mindset.

Posted in goals

What’s Putting a Kink In Your Hose, What’s Blocking Your Abundance?

You should totally watch my Facebook Live to know what I mean…

What if I told you that the very thing that you spend your time thinking about and talking about is exactly what you are manifesting in your life?

That’s not woo…that’s science!

We create our results with our thoughts. Every single one of them. Each word you think creates a vibration in your body, the emotion. Those vibrations fuel our action or inaction, and what we do or don’t do is what creates our results.

So if you are thinking thoughts like…

  • “He drives me nuts”
  • “He can’t do anything right”
  • “I hate my life”
  • I hate my job”
  • “No one listen’s to me”
  • “I am frustrated”
  • even and especially this one…”I don’t feel good”

Guess what you invite? Yep, more of the same. Your brain thinks that is what you have ordered up, invited and so that is what your are creating.

Your brain is always searching for ways to prove your thoughts true.

Stop negotiating with the 3 year in your head, start working on the thoughts you need to think to create the results your want!

Stop living at the cause and effect of life happening too you and start letting the abundance of life flow through you.

I have a couple of spots in the Abundance Warrior Boot Camp. This is a limited space and limited time only. Click here for more details.

Posted in goals

May is Money Mindset Month

What are your thoughts about money?  Do you ever think about it?  Do you think thoughts like:

  • I’m always broke
  • I can’t afford that
  • I can’t seem to get ahead
  • I live pay check to paycheck
  • I hate my job
  • I don’t make enough money
  • I’ll never have enough
  • I’ve always been broke, I will always be broke

When we think thoughts like this, we put a kink in our hose, our hose of abundance.  When we do that, the abundance that is yours, meant for you, can’t get through.

Do you think that there is only so much to go around?

Do you think that if you get more, it takes from someone else?

These are all just thoughts!

Money is just a circumstance.  The way that you think about money is what is creating your results with money.  If you want to change your money result, it starts with your thoughts.

Watch my Facebook live Transformation Tuesday Virtual Goal Setting Workshop where we are talking about Money Mindset and Abundance in all areas of your life, all month long.

Ready to join the Abundance Warrior Boot Camp?  Click Here.

 

Posted in goals

How to Deal with all of the Arrogant, Toxic, Negative, Icky People

We all know “that person.”  The one that sucks the air out of the room.  The one that walks around with a chip on their shoulder.  The one that doesn’t know a normal tone of voice, the one that seems to have the toxicity level of a nuclear power plan.

They make us feel icky.  Their actions sometimes make us not show up as our highest and best self.  In fact, they can bring out the worst in us.  They make us feel rejected, humiliated and embarrassed.

Maybe you work with them , or for them.  Maybe they are in the family.  They might be at church or the waitress that takes your order. You might even be married to one of them!

They are everywhere!!!!!

  • We think they should not be loud…
  • We think they should be kind…
  • We think they should be fair…
  • We think they should not take advantage of us…
  • We think they should be positive…
  • We think they should not shoot guns or be noisy neighbors…
  • We think they should not look over your shoulder and micro manage your work…
  • We think they should not yell at us for something someone else did…
  • We think that they should not call us names and make fun of our clothes…
  • We think that they should be professional and nice…
  • We think that they should not drink or they should not do drugs…

Here is the deal…

We all have a manual for how others should behave, talk, act like etc… When they don’t show up like “we think” that “they should”, we let it affect us, we let it comprise how we show up. We take it personally, we get offended, we get our feelings hurt. We let their behavior mean something about us.

That is how self-centered we are as humans. We think everything is about us!

How they act has nothing to do with us, that is their decision to show up like that.  It’s your decision how you respond to it.

How they show up is their business, how we show up is ours.

As humans, our brains immediately go into a thought pattern that is out dated.  It’s the primitive brain fearing that we are about to get kicked out of the tribe.  We think that there must be something wrong with us, or that we did something wrong…(shame and guilt are sneaky).

We make it mean we didn’t do a good job or that we are less that worthy, we lose confidence in our own being.  We make it mean that we were a poor judge of character, “we should have known better”, we should have done better.  More shame and guilt.

We shoulder the burden of causing the behavior and we give them all of our power by allowing them to trigger thoughts and emotions in us that don’t serve us.

Listen…

People are allowed to act anyway they choose.  Not without consequences, but they are allowed just the same.   You are allowed to act anyway that you choose.  That is the beauty of the human experience, we have choices!

We would all love it if everyone just did what “we think” they “should” or act the way that “we think” they should, but that’s not the Law of the Universe.  We all get the choice, equally.

Just because you allow them to choose their own actions and behaviors, does not mean you are condoning anything, you are not agreeing with anything, you are simply keeping your power and responsibility for your own emotions, and that my friends is a beautiful thing!

You don’t have to like their behavior, just understand that it is their choice to act that way.  There will always be consequences for their behavior, there always is.  That’s the way the Universe works!

I want you to imagine this person as a child, as a scared child on their first day of school, hovering in the corner, scared and alone and crying.

This image personifies what is going on when  someone acting in arrogance, and bullying.  They are coming from a place of fear, scarcity and lack.

You, my friends,  can still choose to come from a place of love, abundance and compassion.   That’s how you keep your power.

When you feel like someone has triggered an emotional response in you, I want you to remember that it is not them, it is the thought that you are having about them, what they said, how they said it or what they did.  It is YOUR thoughts about what is happening that triggers your emotions, not what they did.

We can’t always help the first thought that comes to our mind but we can manage how long we entertain it and we can choose the next thought after that.

We can see them come from their scared place and we can call up compassion.  We can be curious about what might be going on to make them so hateful, angry, arrogance and negative.

One thing that I do know for sure is that mirroring their behavior isn’t going to serve you, making it mean something about you isn’t going to serve you and trying to change them will never work!

  1.  Throw away your manual.
  2.  Understand that everyone can act and do, as they choose.  That includes you!
  3.  Choose to come from a place of love and you choose how you want to respond.

What I have learned by really understanding all of this, and allowing others to show up as they will, is that I am at peace, I am able to see their human experience as theirs and mine as mine.  I have seen how The Universe takes care of people who are unkind, arrogant and icky.  I will leave it there.

Watch the Facebook Live, Transformation Tuesday, Virtual Goal Setting Workshop where I talk all about them!

Posted in goals

Your Horse and Self Limiting Beliefs

We spend a lot of time desensitizing our equines to scary things, then the human gets on them with their self limiting beliefs and we wonder what went wrong.

Does this sound familiar?  The conversation in my head sounds like this…

“This test has about 20 elements to remember…maybe I should get a reader?”  Enter the beginning of tension

“No, I have done this test a hundred times in my head and on foot, I’ll remember…”  Tension builds

“Why are you doubting yourself now, not a good time.”  Further adding to tension, body gets stiff and rigid.

“Just get a reader, no one minds reading for you, why don’t you just ask?”  Not getting any more relaxed.

“People are watching, what if you go off course, you won’t know where to start and maybe you will forget the entire test.”

What if this… and what if that…is a horrible thought process any time you are riding a horse.

When we start doubting ourselves, we have a visceral response in our body and the horse feels it.  The horse is going to think there is something that they should be worried about when you show up worried.

When you feel your equine tense up, don’t start questioning their confidence and ability, question yours!

What are you thinking?

What are you feeling?

What’s happening in your body?

Is that the message that you want to send to your horse?

Your horse feels a fly, for sure it feels your tension and responds to it.

We want them to be responsive to the slightest message.  We train them to be that way.  Then, we show up not managing our minds but expect amazing results.  It doesn’t work that way.

Manage your mind and you manage your results, in every area of your life.  Even in the arena!  Here is a sample thought model:

  • Circumstance = Dressage test (Insert any circumstance)
  • Thought = I should have a reader, what if I forget the test, people are watching…(insert your thought about your circumstance)
  • Feeling = Self-doubt
  • Action = Body gets tense and sends energy to the horse, seat gets rigid, hands are tense
  • Results = Poor performance, go off course, harmony scores suffer

Your results will always be a reflection of your thoughts, in every area of your life.  Create the thought model that will get you the results that you want.

  • Circumstance = Dressage test (Insert any circumstance)
  • Thought = I know the test, I know what to do. ..(insert your thought about your circumstance)
  • Feeling = Self-Confidence
  • Action = Body and seat and hands stay soft and relaxed
  • Results = Ride a relaxed test

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, mind managing, goal digger!!

If you would like to see what it’s like to work with a coach, sign up for a free, no obligation, mini session today.

 

 

Posted in goals, motivation, Time

Procrastincation

Procrastination and Perfectionism are different sides to the same coin.  Both rooted in fear.  Neither serve you in showing up as your highest and best self.

We think we work better under the pressure of time.  That is what we have told ourselves to justify putting things off until the last minute.

Here is why that works for you.

A few blogs ago, I did a blog and a Facebook Live on time.  I talked about how to manage all the things that you have to do by putting in your calendar only allowing yourself so much time to get something done.

By doing that, you are laser focused for that period of time, you aren’t doing anything else.  You aren’t scrolling social media or taking calls.  You are head down and knocking it out.  You have constrained the amount of time that you are giving yourself to get it done.

That’s actually what you are doing by waiting until the last minute to do the thing, procrastinating.  That is exactly why you think that you work better under pressure.

But here is why procrastination isn’t serving you…

From the time that you find out that you need to do “the thing” until you actually do the thing, you ruminate on it.  You dread it, you think about doing it and decide to wait.  It hangs over you like a cloud.  It feels heavy, like a bag of bricks…you know what I am talking about.

You are eating up all of your time thinking about the thing you are putting off instead of enjoying your life, instead of getting stuff done, instead of knocking things out and even getting ahead.

Putting things off doesn’t solve anything, there is no upside.  In fact, it adds to overwhelm!

We tend to put off the things that we don’t feel like we do well.  We put off doing things that we don’t like to do.  We put off doing things that require we get help or figure out how to do.

The reason why you feel like you do your best work when you put things off and wait until the last minute is because you have imposed a time allowance.  You have constrained the amount of time to get the thing done.

You don’t have to do that on the back end of the deadline.  You can front end that process, get it done and then enjoy the feeling of having the thing done!

Think of what a hero you would be at work if you didn’t procrastinate, think about what a hero you would be to you!

Watch the Facebook Live Video on Procrastination here.

If you need help managing your time and overcoming perfectionism or procrastination, sign up for a mini session.  Let’ get’er done!

 

 

Posted in goals

How Sensitive is Your Spam Filter?

How sensitive is your spam filter?

What useless thoughts do you let through?

What thoughts cause you drama, pain or resentment.

What useless thoughts do you ruminate in?

I know that you think it’s something that someone said or did that bugs you, it’s not…that’s and inside job!

If your thoughts bug you, delete them!

Flag them as junk and never think them again!

Don’t go digging into the delete folder…ever!

You can even unsubscribe to them all together.

Fill your inbox full of nothing but the thoughts that serve you!

You can even choose Joy!

 

Posted in goals, motivation

Perfectionism…Why It’s Holding You Back

I used to wear the label “perfectionism” like a title.  So proud.  I guess I thought since it had the word “perfect” in the label that meant I was getting close…to being perfect.

I would use that term to describe myself.  I have blonde hair, blue eyes and I am a perfectionist.  I would tell prospective employers, like that was going to get me the job!

If you identify with being a perfectionist, I want you to really think about what it means.

It means that you that you are not putting your work out into the world until it is perfect, A+ work, nothing but the best, no imperfections. It means that you are not creating the results that you want because it’s not perfect.

Being a perfectionist actually keeps you from showing up as your highest and best self.  It means that while you are trying to produce A+ work, ruminating in perfectionism, someone else is putting out B- work and killing it!

How perfect do you think the first automobile was, the first PC, the first anything?

Someone will always come behind you and find something to tweek that will make the thing better, and that doesn’t mean that there was anything wrong with you or your version.

You all have gifts, you have talent, and the world needs to see them.

Where would we be if Bill Gates waited until his PC was perfect before he showed anyone?  I want you to really think about it…

What if you jumping out there being all imperfect is what inspires someone else to jump out there too.  I have a story about that here.

Perfectionism is what your brain has you ruminating in as an effort to protect you from failure, rejections and humiliation.  It sounds like a good thing, like you have higher standards of excellence, like you are more driven than someone else, you work harder.   You are wrong!

Put your work out there.  You have a song to sing that people need to hear.  You have a book to write that people need to read.  You have problems to solve that people need solutions for.

If you are waiting to raise your hand until you have to perfect words to say and the perfect tone, the perfect everything, the world won’t know how awesome you are…with all of your flaws…FLAWESOME!!!

It doesn’t matter how you got there, I get it!  In a world where nothing but an A will do, B- is uncomfortable.  Guess what?  That’s exactly what you need to do…being willing to be uncomfortable is the key to success.

As perfectionists, we think that setting high demands for ourselves always results in growth and success.  It turns out, by setting such strict, high standards we are ultimately self-sabotaging our efforts.  Setting unrealistic expectations is also severely unhealthy.

Perfectionism is a fixed mindset.  A fixed mind does not grow!

There are tons of reasons why perfectionism is debilitating for our mindset.  Stress, overwhelm, anxiety depression, low or no productivity, low self-worth, missed opportunities…

In a world where we are inundated with Pinterest perfect everything, someone is waiting to be inspired by your imperfection!

Watch my Facebook live to hear about how my imperfection has inspired others.  I share two examples.  

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, imperfect goal digger!!!!

 

Posted in goals

How Do I Stop?

How can I stop doing stuff that doesn’t make my life better, and start doing stuff that does makes my life better?

Now that is a great question, and I think it’s worth a blog.

If we want different results we need different thoughts.

Remember, thoughts trigger our emotions, and our emotions become our fuel for action or non-action, and  that my friends is how we get our results.

What is the result that you want? I mean really, really want? Do you know? Have you stopped long enough to listen, and listened hard enough to hear?

We are afraid to ask sometimes, we are afraid to imagine a life that is beyond our grasp.

We fail ahead of time talking ourselves out of even trying because we can’t imagine that it would even be possible to have what we really want.

We all want to feel better, be the ideal weight, manage our anger, stop over-drinking, stop over-shopping, have the job we love, have the marriage of or dreams,  mend the relationships, the land the deals…

…and yet, we talk ourselves out of wanting anything so we don’t feel the pain of disappointment.   So we don’t feel the pain of rejection, fear and anxiety.

We are more comfortable living at the effect of what life hands us, because then we can just blame our circumstances and all of the people that have a hand in our circumstances.

Guess what?  Those people are you!

Your results create your circumstances.  So if your circumstances are out of alignment with your results then my friend, we have work to do.

Get started today.  You don’t have to entertain the first thought that comes into your head, the unintentional thought.  You can let that one go and land on a thought that serves you.

“I can’t, I don’t know how, I am not sure?” None of these thoughts serve you, EVER!

The first step to stop doing the stuff that does not serve you, is to stop thinking the thought that doesn’t serve you and start finding the ones that do serve you.

Try this…”I am figuring this thing out.” “I am figuring out how to do this thing.”

No one ever figured anything out saying “I can’t.”

So, in the words of my one of my favorite girl bands, The Spice Girls…what do you want? I mean, really, really want!

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger.

Posted in goals

Get’er Done!!!

I have a reputation for getting a ton of stuff done in a short period of time.  I have a reputation for being good with my time and always being on time.   I don’t mind admitting that while I have always been all that, time felt very overwhelming and I was always anxious about time.  I was not in a good space with time…at one time.

I started my “time management” journey, for lack of a better term, over 30 years ago.  I was tired of feeling overwhelmed, hated the frantic busy, busy, persona I saw in others and suspected was growing in me.  I felt like I was always running behind, getting to close to deadlines for comfort and had too many irons in the fire.

I wanted to be productive and have free time.  I wanted time to unwind, time to regenerate and time to just be and I also wanted to get stuff done.   I wanted to feel accomplished and energized.

I felt like weekends were just a race here to get this thing done, and then run over here to get that thing done, and then oh ya, we said yes to this and that means we have to do this, and on, and on, and on.

Before I knew it, the weekend was gone, there was no re-energizing going on, there was no reading, growing, learning, relaxing, or experiencing going on.

I was barely keeping up.  Keeping up with what?  I had no idea.  I was overwhelmed!

All of that probably sounds familiar!  That’s what started my quest for the answer to the problem…how can I get more done in less time and enjoy some down time?

The first thing that I had to do was to understand my relationship with time.

  • How did I think about time?
  • What did I do with my time?
  • Was it a waste, was it an investment?
  • Do I value time and use it wisely?
  • Do I honor the time that I am being paid for?
  • When is time slow and when is time fast?
  • What would I do if I actually did have more time?
  • What am I doing now that I wish I could be doing more of?
  • What would I do if I had less time?

Once you really understand how you feel about time, it’s time to take action, change behaviors and up-level your outcomes.

So how is it that I get soooo much done in a short period of time?

First…I really constrain my commitments to other people.  That is the first step in honoring your time.

Just because people ask does not mean that you need to say yes!  Not every invitation needs to be accepted.

Learn how to gracefully and with integrity, say no thank you.  It could be as simple as, “let me check my calendar, I will get back to you by…”  or “I appreciate the invitation, but I have a previous commitment.”  It’s a response that is with integrity, honoring your time and it’s a graceful decline.

If this feels icky because of your “people-pleasing tendencies…be the people that you most want to please.  I promise, you won’t regret it and either will your people.

Next…I write down all the things that I know I am going for the year.  Yep, the entire year!

It’s going to be time consuming the first time you do this but every time after it gets easier and you will see the payoff…more time!   worth the time.

Write down the vacations, the back to school, the out of school, the camps, the shows, all the things that you know are going on.  Write down any steps or processes that go along with all of the things.  Write down the packing for the vacation, the back to school shopping, getting kids ready for camp, packing for the show…all the things.

Get deeper…are you hanging Christmas lights this year?  What are your Thanksgiving plans if you know, if not figure it out.  Make a list of all of the things that you know are going to happen year.

If the thing has multiple steps in the process, write them down as a “to-do’s.”

Finally, schedule it all and only allow so much time to complete the task.  Put each to-do in a time slot on your calendar and get it done within that time frame.  Then…throw the TO-DO list away!!!

For example: If I want to paint my office, which I just did.  I listed the steps to painting my office and gave it a time allowance.  The final step would be to schedule it into the calendar.

  1.  move the furniture (15 minutes)
  2. clean the walls and base boards (15 minutes)
  3. wipe down with smelling stuff that makes the paint work better (15 minutes)
  4. paint the walls with the first coat (1 hour)
  5. cut the ceiling (1 hour)
  6. paint the walls with the second coat (30 minutes) (2nd coats never take as long)
  7. cut in the base boards (1 hour)
  8. touch up (15 minutes)
  9. clean up (15 minutes)

The key to success…only allow so much time.  Anything that you do only takes so much time but we will take as much time is available sometimes.  Only allow however much time you need and not one minute more!

What if you don’t know how much time something takes?

It doesn’t matter how much time something takes, it matters how much time you allow it to take.  You can take all day to paint a room or you can take 4 hours.

If you apply this process, for sure, you can paint the room in 4 hours.  If you don’t plan, you could let it take all day.  I allowed each task to only take so much time and I worked within the time constraints of the allowed time.  Kind of like a money budget…

If I give myself 15 minutes to move furniture, that’s what I will use, I can give myself 30 minutes.  It doesn’t matter.  You get to decide the time but I can tell you that we take way longer to do things when we don’t give ourselves an allowance.  We spend more money without an allowance and we waste more time…

You might think this sounds rigid and it will feel that way if that is the thought that you have about this strategy.

The truth is that this strategy actually frees up more time.

Humor me, try it.  Not only will you be amazed with how much you can get done in very little time but you will be amazed at how much time you have to do the things that you love, the things that energize you.

You will for sure have things pop up that you didn’t expect.  Things will also get dropped from your schedule.  You will have to look at your month ahead and make any adjustments and then again at the start of each week.

The point is….know what you are going to do and when you are going to do it.  Put it on the calendar at a specific time and then do it in the time allowed.  Done!  That’s it.  That is how it’s done my fellow goal diggers!!!

Watch the Facebook live Transformation Tuesday Virtual Goal Setting Workshop here.

Here is a cool Relationship With Time worksheet to start your journey on a better relationship with time.

If you would like to know if a coach can make a difference, let’s talk.  Book a no obligation discovery session today.

 

 

Posted in goals

What is Your Relationship With Time?

What are your thoughts about time?

Is there enough of it?

Too much of it?

Do you value time?

What do you do with your time?

What do you believe about time?

Do you think time is money?

Does time go slowly?

Fast?

What takes up your time?

What makes you spend your time doing what you do?

When does time fly for you?

What do you believe about your past, present and future?

What would you do if you had more time?

If I knew I had less time what would you do?

Do you spend time, invest time or waste time?

What do you want to use your time for?

That’s a lot of questions but, when was the last time that you really thought about time?

It’s time to think about your relationship with time!

Posted in goals

Is Regret a Useful Emotion?

So, last Tuesday, one day after my hubs and I celebrated our 17th year of marriage, I asked him if there was a topic that he would like me to cover during one of my Transformation Tuesday Facebook Live Virtual Goal Setting Workshops.  He thought for about 2 seconds and then replied, “regret.”  I think people need to know how to handle things that they regret.

I could have made that mean sooooooo many things…I chose to write this blog about regret instead.

I asked myself if regret is a useful emotion.  I thought about it all week.  Here is what I think.

It depends!

With the exception of a few emotions that I put into the “Indulgent Emotion” category, most emotions serve a purpose.  They give us the polarity of life.  Believe it or not, if we didn’t know sad, happy would not be nearly as happy.

I put emotions like overwhelm, self-pity, self-doubt, resentment and confusion in the category of “indulgent emotions.”  Why?  they serve no purpose but to keep you where you are, not moving forward and showing up as your highest and best self.

What about regret?  Is there an upside to regret?  Well, it depends!

If we use the regret as a launch pad that propels us forward and helps us decide to do something that does serve us, then I think that regret can be useful.  However, if we use regret to punish ourselves and beat ourselves up and keep us showing up small and keep doing things that we regret, then no, it’s an indulgent emotion.

I don’t think that you need to feel regret in order to make a different choice now.

Sometimes we keep looking to our past and arguing with it like it should have been different or we wish that we would have done something different.  We think that if somehow it would have been different then we would be different…total waste of time.

Personal story…I stopped talking to my dad for several years.  In the last couple of years we have enjoyed a wonderful relationship.  Of course it is human to want to get into a space of regret.  Regret for the time that passed between us when we were not talking and didn’t have a relationship. Regret for harboring bad feelings,  not seeing him for years,  not being the one to foster his relationship with my daughter.  Soooo many reasons to regret.

If I use that regret to continue punishing myself and  beating myself up, it takes away from the relationship that is available to me now, the one that  I am having now.

Living in regret robs you from the possibilities of future experiences.

My daughter and I always talk about this saying, “everything always works out just the way it should.”  It gives us comfort even when we are experiencing a difficult moment, even when we don’t understand how or why.

Byron Katie teaches  ‘What was meant to happen did, it was always meant to happen that way.  How do we know?  Because it did.”

When we argue with the reality of what is, we suffer.

If you are living in regret right now, if you are looking at your life and punishing yourself  because you wish you would have lived your life different, made different decisions,  shown up different, been different, I want you to ask yourself these questions:

  • Is there an upside to doing that?
  • Have you found a purpose to doing that?
  • Is it serving you in any way?
  • If it isn’t, how could you think about your past in a way that would serve you?
  • How could you think about your past in a way that you don’t blame yourself but you use your past as a way to create a better future for yourself?

 Do not let your regrets take the place of your goals and your dreams for the life that you want to live and experience.

Regret doesn’t have to be present for you to make the changes right now that creates the future that you want.  You don’t have to beat yourself up about your past in order to create a better future.

So stop regretting and let’s get goaling!!!!

 

 

 

Posted in goals, motivation

Self Confidence or Arrogance?

During a recent workshop on creating self-confidence, I got a great question…

“If I start showing up with more self confidence, won’t people think that I am being or becoming arrogant?”

That really made me stop and think about how often we might not show up as our highest and best self, on purpose, because part of us thinks that any demonstration of self-confidence could be mistaken for arrogance.

We shrink so others won’t mistake our confidence for arrogance.

So, let me just set the record straight on that one!

Arrogance is 100% when someone thinks that they are a better human being than someone else.

Self-Confidence is the energy of excellence, even in failure.  Self-confidence is a state of being and energy in maturity, sophistication, elegance, grace, strength and love…

Self-confidence is when we trust ourselves and our abilities, capacities and judgements.   We trust us to have our own back and honor our decisions.

As you increase your capacity to love yourself with all of your awesome flaws (flawsome), you are increasing your capacity to show up as your highest and best self even when it’s hard, even when it’s scary, even when you have never done it before.  You increase your capacity to give love and receive love.

Self-confidence is when we trust ourselves to create the result that we want, make healthy decisions, be a good judge of character.  Self-confidence is an amazing asset that helps push us through doubt and fear and indecision.  Self-confidence helps us take the sting out of rejection and humiliation.

Self-confidence comes from a place of love, abundance, maturity and security.

Arrogance is someone who thinks that they are a better human than someone else.  They build up their ego by putting others down.  Arrogance is born out of insecurity, scarcity, immaturity and fear.

This is my opinion…but, I don’t think you can have too much self-confidence.  That’s like saying you can have too much love or too much abundance, or too much maturity or too much security or have to much of an energy of excellent even in failure.  Not possible.

Having self-confidence does not make you arrogant, arrogance makes you arrogant.

A self-confident person has a deep capacity to love others and be vulnerable.  Self-confident people are easy to be around and easy to talk to.   Self-confident people are comfortable to be around.

An arrogant person does not love themselves, does not trust themselves or anyone else.  They hide their vulnerabilities.  They are not easy or fun to be around at all!!!

I hope this explanation gives you confidence to show up as someone who loves and trusts yourself deeply.  Show up with self-confidence, it’s a good look!

Here is a link to the Transformation Tuesday Facebook live all about self-confidence.

 

 

Posted in goals

Which Discomfort Do You Choose?

Do you ever feel like the Universe nudges you?  Maybe even nags and gnaws at you?  Ever wonder why?

When we have dreams and goals that we don’t pursue, we feel the discomfort of dreams and goals unanswered.  Many people live with that discomfort all of their lives.

The discomfort of unanswered dreams is a life not living to your full potential, it’s safe but boring.  It’s safe but uncomfortable.

It’s uncomfortable because we know in our heart of hearts we are meant for more.  We know, deep down we have a contribution to make.

On the flip side…there is the discomfort of pursuing your goals and dreams.

The discomfort of trying and failing, trying again and failing again.  Being embarrassed, disappointed, humiliated, overwhelmed and doing it anyway!

This is the discomfort that I choose.

If we are going to experience discomfort either way, I choose the discomfort of trying and failing.

Why?

Because this kind of discomfort allows me to serve, allows me to give, allows me to grow and experience, move forward, learn and who knows, I might just create something pretty cool and amazing in the process.

Which discomfort do you choose?