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Posted in goals

The Gifts From Your Past Self?

Many of us struggle with a past we regret and we are in the habit of beating ourselves up for who we are right now.

We are disconnected from our future because we don’t believe in the possibility that we can create a different result.

I want to help you imagine a relationship with yourself in all three time zones.

Past, present and future self.

It’s time to step out of the past of regret and present state of self-assault and into a future self by design, full of balance and abundance.

Today, I want you to think about what your past self gifted to you that you are enjoying the benefits of today.  The brain may say something like…”huh?”

Humor me…

Here are a few examples of mine…

My past self didn’t quit 8 years ago when she fell off the mounting block 4 times.  Today, thanks to her, I am a good rider with confidence and ability.

I am thankful that my past self spent hours and hours learning how to be a good horsewoman, equestrian and human.  Even when 5 am was super early and 10 pm was super late, she kept learning and today I benefit from that.

My past self  conquered a healthy relationship with food and stopped obsessing over food.  Even though cravings and urges were tough, she figured out how to stop because she knew it would not serve her.  Today, I can enjoy eating without guilt, without fear, and I am almost 60 and zero medications.  Maintaining y weight is easy today because of my past self.

I am soooo glad that my past self invested in personal development even thought it felt like too much money and her scarcity mindset freaked out.  Today I enjoy well-being beyond my imagination.

Today, as a result of my past self, I enjoy relationships that I thought could never be repaired.  As a result of my past self, I am obsessed with helping others.

She totally hooked me up with a job I love with an organization I love.   She did things that scared her and challenged her. She worked hard even when she didn’t feel like it.

My past self created an amazing daughter and now I enjoy three beautiful grand children.  It was not always easy to travel and yet I am so thankful that she did because I have been present and engaged in their lives.

My past self mastered “over consumption and under production” and learned how her scarcity mindset was  preventing abundance.

My past self learned how to forgive in such a big way that it changed my life forever!

So my question to me today of my present self is, what can I do today that will make it better for my future self tomorrow, a week from now, a year from now, 10 years from now.

How can I make things even better for my future self than my past self made for me?

What decisions can I make today for my future self so that I can gift her the way my past self gifted me.

If you are tired of beating yourself up over your past, it’s time to look at your past for the gifts that you have received.  What did your past self give you that you enjoy today?

Enjoy this workbook that will help you create a vision for your future self.

Ready  to work with me?

 

 

 

Posted in Abundance, goals, motivation

Story VS. Facts

There are facts and then there is the story that we create about the facts.  Facebook Live Replay.

Facts don’t hurt.

It’s the stories we tell ourselves about the facts that create the pain. Our brain has a negative bias… it will naturally go to the gloom and doom story, the one with drama.

  • Fact:  He is late
  • Story:  He is late because he doesn’t care about me or respect my time.  I can’t take it anymore!
  • Fact:  Boss said words
  • Story:  Boss doesn’t appreciate anything I do, he’s always on my case and never recognizes me.  I am not dealing with this anymore!
  • Fact:  Husband says words
  • Story:  He is always mad at me, takes his bad day out on me, doesn’t love me.  I am done!
  • Fact:  scale says I weigh 180
  • Story:  I have no willpower, I will never hit my weight goal, it’s too hard to lose weight around my familyI might as well give up!

Facts are boring, stories are compelling.

We are all living lives that we have created with our thoughts. So, if you are not excited about an area of your life, my question is, what’s the story you have created?

I have had stories for things that have happened in my life almost all of my life. It’s human nature to create stories. When it becomes an issue is when we start living at the effect of the stories we tell ourselves.

  • We create stories that we are not good with money or with time.
  • We create stories that we can’t lose weight and keep it off.
  • We create stories that people are disrespectful and toxic.
  • We create stories that we are victims.
  • We create stories that we have no will power or discipline. We create stories that we are too busy and overwhelmed.
  • We create stories that make us feel that we have been taken advantage of and betrayed and cheated.

Our thoughts are our stories but that does not make any of it true!

Does that story even serve you? If it does, how? What is the upside to the story. If it works for you then keep it, if not, let’s get to work on it.

You can’t manage boss, husband, neighbor, dry cleaning lady etc…you can only manage the thoughts in your head, the sentences that you join together and the story that you create.

You can take responsibility and ownership of the story, you can decide how you want to feel about the circumstance and show up from a space of emotional adulthood.

Ask yourself this…

If you did not have the story, who would you be?  Who could you be without the story?

We have the option of having a thought and keeping it neutral or making it mean something.  We don’t have to add drama to the thought with a story.

The story that you tell about your life, your relationships, your circumstances, become what you invite and create and attract more of.

Your story about the circumstance is creating your reality.

Ready to up level your reality?   Change the story worksheet

 

Posted in goals

Life Pillars for a Life of Balance and Abudance

One of the most rewarding parts of working with people and teaching is helping my students create a life of balance and abundance. A life by design! A life that they designed.  Watch the FB Live here.

So many of us feel like life is just happening to us and around us with little control or influence on our part.

When my students use the tools that I teach them, they up level their human experience in all areas of their life.  They create results that they never thought were possible.

One very important area is creating more time!

We know that technically we can’t create more time, we all only 24 hours before the day starts over.

What we can do though is live a life on purpose, by design, with intention and create the results that we want instead of just taking what we get.

The difference between how you actually spend your time and the way that you want to spend your time is your thoughts.  Your thoughts about time create your relationship with time.

What thoughts come up for you when you think about time? What do you value about time? What is your relationship with time?

• The relationship that we have with time determines how much we value time.
• Our relationship with time determines how we spend our time or invest our time.
• When we don’t value time, just like with money, it slips through our fingers.
• When we don’t value time, just like money, we spend it and have nothing to show.
• When we don’t value time, just like money, we are not a good steward of the time we have.

In order to create a life of balance and abundance, we need to consider the time that we give to our life pillars. Here in an example of mine. Yours can look different.

  1. Health and Wellness
  2. Relationships
  3. Wealth
  4. Spirituality
  5. Growth
    6.. Romance & Love
  6. Sanctuary

Many of us are focused on one or two pillars at any given time and only invest in those. That’s going to create lack in another pillar.

When we feel lack in one area, it tends to show up in other areas. That explains why a wealthy person can still have a scarcity mindset. They have unattended life pillars.

I often hear that TIME is the reason that other pillars of life are ignored. Think about which one of your pillars could use a little TLC.

In my group coaching program, we work on things just like this and sooooo much more and good news…I guarantee my work!!!

If you thought that life coaching was out of reach for you financially, you will be happy to know that it is not…don’t let your scarcity mindset affect your decision to join and start creating abundance! I have created a group coaching model designed to be affordable and attainable for everyone!!!

…and here is the best part, I GUARANTEE my work. YES I DO.

If you show up and do the work and you don’t see the value, I am happy to refund your investment. No problem at all. No contract, you can stop at any time.

Click here for more information.

 

Posted in goals

Wanna Feel Better Fast?

So you want to feel better fast?  I do too.

Learning how changed my life.

It made uncorking a bottle of wine less necessary.  Finding a snack less tempting.  Mindlessly scrolling through Facebook and Instagram way less appealing.

So, what is the key?

Radically reducing the thought drama in your life will help you say no to emotions and activities that do not serve you!!!

Trying to satisfy the urge to over eat, over drink, over shop, over scroll,  is always (and I mean always) about trying to change how you feel, and how you feel is coming from a thought…thought drama!

That doesn’t mean you’re always drinking, eating, shopping or scrolling because you’re feeling a negative emotion. It just means that saying YES to any urge is your brain’s sneaky way of avoiding them.

Feelings like…

  • Restless
  • Boredom
  • Deprived
  • Restricted
  • Annoyed
  • Worried
  • Angry
  • Frustrated
  • Anxiety

So, then how can you feel better fast?

It’s simple…but not easy.

  1.  We have to watch where we are bringing our own discomfort and thought drama into our lives.
  2. Practice reframing your drama thoughts to neutral thoughts.

Notice the words that I highlighted…we and your.

I know you think that it is something someone said or did that made you feel a negative emotion but remember, your emotions are triggered by your thoughts, not by someone’s actions.  The circumstance is neutral.  Until we interpret the circumstance and have a thought about it, it’s neutral.

Below are some examples of drama thoughts that we create on our own, every day, that create drama emotions.

Example:

  • Drama Thought = I’m so late!
  • Neutral Thought = It’s 9:00

Example

  • Drama Thought = I have a million things to do today
    Neutral Thought = I have 5 things on my to-do list.

Example

  • Drama thought = I am exhausted
  • Neutral thought = I got so much done today

Example

  • Drama thought = This crap always happens to me
    Neutral thought = I can do hard things

Reframing your thoughts in a neutral manner will start to drain the drama out of your dramatic thinking.

I know… it seems like too small of a change to make a difference, but trust me it’s everything.

The more you teach your brain to find the neutral stance, the more you’ll notice yourself feeling calmer and centered.

When it comes to feeling better, you’ll be surprised at how effective these small changes can be.  And when you know how to make yourself feel better without grabbing a drink, or chips, or hitting the purchase button, your habits will start to have less of a hold over you.

So, give it a try.  I know you’ll see a difference.  Click here to watch the Transformation Tuesday Replay.

In my group coaching program, we work on things just like this and sooooo much more and good news…I guarantee my work!!!

If you thought that life coaching was out of reach for you financially, you will be happy to know that it is not…don’t let your scarcity mindset affect your decision to join and start creating abundance! I have created a group coaching model designed to be affordable and attainable for everyone!!!

…and here is the best part, I GUARANTEE my work. YES I DO. If you show up and do the work and you don’t see the value, I am happy to refund your investment. No problem at all. No contract, you can stop at any time.

Click here and I will be happy to answer your questions and even send you a video of a group coaching call so that you can see if it is right for you!

PS: Click here to learn what it is like to work with me.

Posted in goals

The Power of Incremental Upgrades

When it comes to doing the work of going from a fear-based scarcity mindset to one of abundance,  most of us would prefer to teleport ourselves and leap right out of our current situation into the life of something amazing.

If we are being honest, we would love to win the life lottery and just get on with the state of being amazing.

We love the idea of having abundance of everything and at the same time, creating an abundant mindset can feel scary, maybe even icky. It’s because we get so caught up in the fear of what that even means to create an abundant mindset, and it’s association to money that we end up living “make do” lives and creating work arounds.

Workarounds are energy suckers. Energy suckers put a kink in your hose and block abundance.

We create so many workarounds in our lives in order to just make it through the day. You may not even realize what you are putting up with from yourself.

Note:  Hopefully, you have already done the Money Mindset Workbook and you are aware of your money biases.  If not, click on the link  So revealing!

Here is an exercise: 

  • Make a list of how you would live if you did win the lottery.  Dream big!
  • Make a list of all of the things that you will do when you are rich or have money…you know, when your ship comes in.
  • Make a list of how you want to live a year from now, 5 years from now, 10 years from now.
  • Make a list of how your future self will be, act, dress, eat and what do you do that you aren’t doing now.

Now, notice the words that have highlights…

We catch ourselves living “if-when, we will” lives because we don’t know how to live the life we want in the future right now!

Maybe your list looks like this:

  • dress nicer,
  • fresh flowers,
  • get my nails done,
  • clean sheets more often,
  • fresh towel more often,
  • go green,
  • nicer car,
  • nicer home,
  • be healthier,
  • workout more,
  • sleep more…

It’s not about spending money or having money that makes you feel abundant.

Abundance is a state of being. 

Even people with tons of wealth can have a scarcity mindset.

When you move through the world in a state of lack, you start making workarounds in your life and those workarounds turn into energy suckers.  They put a kink in your hose.

So if it’s not about spending money to feel abundant, what?

Incremental Upgrades!

Find one thing off of your list from the exercise and start doing something today.

Living in a messy and cluttered home is a work around, driving a messing and cluttered car is a workaround.

You can make your house nicer and your car nicer just by clearing the clutter. That doesn’t cost anything!

There are things on your future self list that you could implement today.  Keep going back to your list and incrementally upgrading…so fun!

When I met Steve, he was driving a Toyota Tercel. That was over 20 years ago. He was not in a position to trade up so what he did was an incremental upgrade. He had the car painted and detailed and in a few years he did upgrade to the Jeep he wanted. He loves his Jeeps.

“The secret to living the life of your dreams is to start living the life of your dreams today, in every little way you possibly can.” `Mike Dooley

As you start implementing incremental upgrades in any area of your life, you start feeling differently and showing up differently and you will be attracting, inviting and creating different results!

Every incremental upgrade you make attracts more into your life.  It puts you on a frequency to receive abundance.  Every incremental upgrade builds a strong foundation of “having.”  It exercises our “capacity to have.”

Practicing feeling abundant invites more abundance.

Final thought…”you will never create, attract or invite abundance from a place of scarcity and lack.”  Go practice being abundant!  Transformation Tuesday Replay.

Note: : I have a 1:1 coaching program and I have created a group coaching program where we take deeper dives into all of the things that will help up level your results and create a more abundant life. Here is the best part…I guarantee results!! YES I DO!!!

If you show up and do the work and don’t see the value, I will cheerfully refund your investment.  Click here to see what others say.

Posted in Abundance, goals, motivation

How Do I Attract Things To Me… Exactly?

We are energy!  We have energy running through us. If you doubt me, rub your feet on some carpet and touch a another person.  ZAP!

When you think a thought, you create an emotion which is a vibration in your body.  Yep!  You can feel it if you sit and be with your feelings for a while.

Maybe you will feel it in your head, or maybe your stomach, maybe your knees get week, maybe your throat gets tight, maybe your chest gets tights.

Something happens viscerally.

Your emotions become fuel for the way that you show up and present yourself.  Emotions fuel your action or inaction, and that my friends is how we generate, create,  and invite the results that we get.

You literally put off a vibration that attracts like vibrations.

Think about a time that you have walked into a meeting room or any room full of people.  Think about the different vibes you got from different people.  Some people were probably warm and friendly and some were not.   Depending on what they were thinking, they were feeling a certain emotion, and that emotion was emitting a vibe.

Now imagine that you are trying to get a job or a promotion or attract wealth into your life.  If you are showing up with a chip on your shoulder, mad at the world or jealous of everyone else’s good fortune, what do you think you are inviting?

  • We invite lack by thinking about all the things we don’t have
  • We invite scarcity by talking about what we can’t afford
  • We invite drama by talking about other people and their drama
  • We invite anxiety and overwhelm by stating those emotions as how we feel

Whatever you focus on grows.  Have you ever noticed that?  Try it.

Try going through the day and noticing all of the things that you love.  Be very aware of all of the things that you see, feel, taste, smell…all of it.  Write it all down all day long.

At first it will not come easy and then as you go along throughout the day, things that you love will feel abundant.

It works in reverse too…

The day starts out terribly and just gets worse.  You get to work and nothing goes right.  The whole day feels off and you just want this one to end so that you can start over.

What is the difference?  Your thoughts!

Sure, things happen, they happen to all of us.  What we think, and what we make them mean about us, and how we respond, is what sets the rest of the day up.

We can either invite more of the frustration or we can stop, take a deep breath, find a thought that flips the script and invite what we want instead.

Like attracts like.  We have all heard that, but here is how it works.

If you are feeling happy and energized your give off that “vibe” (this is not woo, it’s science) and you attract people and experiences that are on the same current, the same frequency.

If you show up grouchy and pissy, you forecast that vibe in the way you walk, the way that you talk and the way that you move through your space.  Even if you try to mask it…you are not fooling anyone!

You attract more of the same experiences that are on that frequency.  You also attract the people who love nothing more that to be pissy and grouchy with you!  Misery truly does love company.

Attracting, inviting and creating abundance in any area of your life is not complicated.  It is only complicated by our thoughts.

We think in order to feel better, we just need to find a new job or make our boss understand or get through to our spouse and co-workers.

Nope, the only thing you need to do is manage you… manage your thoughts.

Now, saying that, doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it is the way the Universe works!

So, exactly how do you invite more of what you want into your life?  Gratitude!  Yep, turns out, that is the quickest way to up-level your vibe.

Gratitude cannot exist in the same space as anxiety, frustration and overwhelm.

We can get so easily distracted by the wanting of more and feeling of lack and scarcity.  But when we stop and sit in a space of gratitude and thankfulness for what we have,  we are given even more to be grateful for.

Managing your thoughts takes practice, you don’t get good at it over night, but…  I am here to help!

Click here to watch my Facebook Live Transformation Tuesday Virtual Workshop on Money Mindset.

Posted in goals

The Surprising Habit That Sabatages Your Results

Do you find yourself looking for a way to reward yourself after a stressful day?  Maybe it looks like a drink or a cupcake or a little online shopping.  You know what I mean…that little treat?

We typically treat ourselves with the very thing that we are trying to eliminate in our lives. Isn’t that interesting?

I have done the very same thing…story below.

We may even feel justified and believe that we are showing ourselves love and compassion when we do that.

But here is what is really happening…

Some days it feels like you’re putting out one fire after another. You can’t control the disaster that was today. So you might as well find a way to feel better.  You are either trying to suppress the way you are feeling or you are trying to create a different feeling.  Either way, it’s buffering from your emotions.

Either way it’s self-sabotage.

…and it works right?

Wrong!!!!

Using a drink or food or any other buffering behavior for stress relief keeps you beholden to the habit, the buzz, the dopamine hit.

What if, instead, you could control how the day felt? What if you could stop putting out fires?  I’m not talking about getting better at controlling the world.

I’m talking about taking a close look at the sentences running through your mind all day long…

  • I’ve got to get this done!
  • I have so much to do!
  • Why does this have to happen to me today!
  • Why is he always giving me a hard time!
  • Why does this have to be so hard?
  • Can’t she see I am busy right now?

We create so much drama with our thoughts. And the habit of dramatic thinking is always fuel for our buffering behavior… over eating, over drinking and over shopping.  Now you might be asking, “how?”  Consider the thought model…

It is your thoughts that create how you feel. It is your feelings that drive the buffering behavior.  Your buffering behavior sabotages the results that you want to create.

True story…

I just hit my ideal weight, felt great, felt amazing actually.  Then after a  thought drama day  of, “this was so hard, I have had a really hard day, I deserve a little treat…’ the following ensued:

Two beers and two glasses of wine, a handful or three of Cheetos and Hot Tamales,  I was no longer at my ideal weight.

The very things I had worked so hard to eliminate were the very things that I used to sabotage my results.

All those seemingly “meaningless” negative thoughts really do add up.  Each one creates a tiny drop of negative emotion. Taken on their own, they’re pretty insignificant.

But taken together…By the end of the day you’re drenched in negative emotion and reaching for relief.

So this week, I want you to challenge yourself to acknowledge how much all your thoughts matter.

When you catch yourself thinking something negative, ask yourself this powerful questions,:

If I never have this thought again, how would it help me stop my buffering behavior? What thoughts can I think today that will serve me better?

XXOO

PS: In my group coaching program, we talking about changing habits that don’t serve your goals. We talk about living a life of balance and abundance. We work on creating the life of your hearts desire. We talk about causing the effect in your life. We work on creating thoughts and emotions that serve you!  Click here to see if coaching is right for you!

Posted in Abundance, goals, motivation

What Are The Top Three Emotions Fueling Your Actions Today?

My business coach asked this question Monday and it stopped me in my tracks.

“What are the top three emotions fueling your actions today?’

I got out my notebook and went to work.

As soon as she asked that question, I knew I had work to do.  I have been operating from a space of worry, overwhelm, anxiety, frustration and impatience.  That’s never going to be the best fuel choice for the actions required to generate the result that I want to create.

Just like a snicker bar is a horrible choice to fuel your body for a marathon, fear based emotions are not the best choice for fueling your actions when you are trying to accomplish a goal.

Regardless of the goal, regardless of the circumstance, there are better options.

Think about the result that you want to create and think about what you believe you would need to do, think about the actions that you would need to take in order to create that result.

Now ask yourself if the way you are feeling right now is going to inspire the action that needs to be taken.  For me the answer was no way.

I have been thinking thoughts like “this is hard, there is not enough time, this is taking longer that I want, this is exhausting, this is expensive, this is annoying, contractors are annoying”….guess how I show up?

Impatient, snarky, snotty, grouchy, frantic, frustrated, annoyed!!!

None of my actions taken from that place would be inspired or massive.

The action would most likely be frantic or maybe even not action.   Not a good recipe for the result that I want to create.

Here is the thing that I want you to take away.  You are human, you have a brain, it thinks 65,000 thoughts a day.  Some of those thoughts are going to dominate and surface and create negative, fear based emotions.  That doesn’t mean that you have to abdicate your human experience to them.

You get to decide.

You get to decide the human experience that you want to have.

I was texting my thought model to my husband yesterday and interestingly, he was going through a similar sequence of thoughts and emotions.  So layer on two people feeding off of each other and this remodel was for sure on track to being a horrible experience.

We know it’s going to get done whether we enjoy the process or not.   We can stop and pivot and choose our thoughts more wisely and choose thoughts that energize us or we can be miserable for the next 60 days.  The decision is ours.

Here is why it’s so important to manage the thoughts on the journey.  It’s not going to feel like a positive outcome if the experience was negative.  The experience during the process of creating any result is where the lessons are, where the growth is, regardless of the outcome you are trying to create.

This applies to everything.

Sometime when I ask people what they are thinking, they don’t know.   We can get so busy that we find ourselves living at the effect of what is happening to us and what I want to show you is that nothing is just happening to you, it’s also happening through you.  Through your thoughts, feelings and actions.

The best way to know what you’re thinking is to look at the results in your life.

Your results reveal your most significant thoughts.

This applies to all of the great things that you are creating and all of the not so great things that you are creating.

What you weigh, how much money you have in your bank account, where you live, who you’re married to, how many friends you have, your possessions, where you work, the car you drive, the clothes you wear, the state that the house is in, what your pantry looks like, what your day looks like, what your calendar looks like.

All of it, those are all results. Your accomplishments, your achievements your acquisitions, what you have created, invited and attracted.

I really want you to notice all of the amazing results you have  created, but I also want you to look at it as if it’s just math.

These are the positive results that I’ve created because I’ve thought positive thoughts, and these are also the results I’ve created because I’ve let negative thoughts take root in my day, week, month, year and I have let negative thought dominate and fuel my actions.

And here’s a cool trick for you to look at when you’re looking at your thought models. If the feeling driving your actions is a positive emotions, you will most likely see the result as positive.

So if you have positive thoughts like, I love my job and you feel excited and motivated and you go to work and produce enough value to get let’s just say $100,000, my guess is from that model, you’ll be super happy with that thought model.

It doesn’t mean you don’t want to make more than $100,000, but you’re super happy.

What I want you to see is that you are  happy because you’re fueling that result from positive emotion.

Now, someone else could have the exact same result of making $100,000 and if what is fueling their result is negative emotion, their outcome is not going to feel positive at all. They could be fueled by greed, revenge, desperation, anger, resentment, any or all of it.  They are going to think about that $100,000 result totally differently being fueled from negative emotions.

What I am sharing with you is the difference between a mindset of abundance and a mindset of scarcity.  It sounds like it’s a lesson on positive and negative…it’s not.

When we are experiencing negative emotions, we are coming from a place of fear which drives scarcity and lack.  Lack of time, lack of money, lack of resources, lack of energy, lack of patience, lack of creative ideas…all kinds of lack.

When we are experiencing positive emotions, we are coming from a place of love which drives abundance.  Plenty of time, money, energy, favor, patience, ideas…all kinds of abundance.

When we try to reach our goal though grit, desperation, deprivation, frustration etc…we might still create the result but it won’t feel like a positive result because of the fuel…the emotions.

So think about a result that you want to create and think about the emotion that you want to be driving that result.

Now, this doesn’t ,mean that worry and doubt won’t come up, they will.  But when you are fueled by a deeper emotion, the ones that you choose, you will be able to cause the effect in your life.

Brooke Castillo~ “I just got asked this on a podcast, what is the most important indicator of long-term success, and I said the emotion fueling the activities.”

I really wanted to share this real time experience with you so that you could see the before, during and the after effect of me going through a transformation and  be encourages and inspired on your own journey to choose the emotions that are going to serve you, on purpose

The ones that I am choosing on purpose are patience, love, gratitude, confidence, courage, maturity, responsibility and abundance…all of it!

Ready to get to work?  See what others are saying…

Transformation Tuesday Replays

 

Posted in goals, motivation

This Amazing Life

  • Take a chance.
  • Feel the fear.
  • Do it anyway.
  • Instead of fear, be excited.
  • Know it always works out.
  • Know that you can handle it if it doesn’t.
  • Have an idea.
  • Don’t play safe, play fair.
  • Do it again.
  • And again.
  • Make someone’s day.
  • Let that fill you up.
  • Do it again.
  • And again.
  • Have an idea.
  • Lose sleep with excitement.
  • Wake up dying to tell someone.
  • Do it again.
  • And again.
  • Waste your money on things you think will fill you up. Eat the food, drink the drinks, watch the shows. Spend your time scrolling through the lives of everyone else while ….NEVER!!!!!
  • Take a class.
  • Buy a book.
  • Try something.
  • Feel frustrated that it’s hard.
  • Be willing to be really bad.
  • Be unsure that it’s your thing.
  • Be afraid  you’re never going to be as good as your mentor.
  • Do it again
  • And again.
  • Take another class.
  • Start showing up differently – to your job, your family, your life.
  • Wear the good clothes.
  • Sing out loud in the car. Even though you aren’t alone.
  • Stop and doubt sometimes.
  • But then do it anyway.
  • Feel like you’re getting pulled back in.
  • Shake it out.
  • Submit a piece of writing.
  • Or a piece of art.
  • Start the blog.
  • Write the book.
  • Start the podcast.
  • Email your heroes.
  • Do a happy dance when they reply.
  • Try something that doesn’t work.
  • Wonder if you should give it all up.
  • Open your inbox to a message from someone telling you that you changed their life.
  • Take a deep breath.
  • Do it again.
  • And again
  • Take 1 step toward your future you
  • Take more steps.
  • Realize that the only thing standing in your way is you.

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!!!

Posted in goals, motivation

When Is It Time To Give Up?

Interesting Question

I had an interesting question the other day from a student.  She was asking if she should give up on her goal.  She wanted to know if all of the obstacles she is facing is a sign from the Universe that she should stop chasing her dream.

My answer….NO WAY!!!!

Let me be so perfectly clear here.  The Universe NEVER conspires against you…EVER!!!!

The only one who ever conspires against you, is you!  Not other people, not obstacles, just you!

Once a dream is placed into your heart and it is met with passion that burns in your gut, it is yours to claim.

It is human nature to look for signs of being on the right path to our goal.  We also look for signs that we are on the wrong path.  In fact, almost as soon as you have a desire and put it in writing, you start seeing opportunities appear and this gives you assurance that you made a right choice.  But as soon as it gets hard or we start facing obstacles, self-doubt shows up to talk us out of it.

We start looking for evidence that something has gone wrong.

What’s Going On

Here is what is happening…

Our primal brain is surveying and always looking for the risk, the danger and serving up information to us like it the news and that it’s all true.  Then we are adding our thoughts and interpreting the information as being good or bad, positive or negative or neutral by the thoughts that we have about the information that we were given.

When things get hard, we start feeling resistance, we start second guessing our good judgement, we start over analyzing, we start filling up with self-doubt, we start thinking something has gone wrong.

Our brain is just trying to talk us out of our goal in order to keep us safe from some of the uncomfortable emotions we are bound to feel on this journey. Our brain wants us to go back to bed, watch Netflix, drink beer and eat Cheetos.

As humans, we think that our target should be a straight shot, and should be all sunshine, daisies, rainbows and unicorns as lone as we are on the right path.  We start to feel like something has gone wrong as soon as it gets hard.

The opposite is true…

As soon as it gets hard and you feel resistance, you are right on track!

There are so many lessons to be learned on our journey to becoming the person that can create the result we want.  If we were already that person, if we had already grown and evolved, we would have already created the result.

What you are feeling is resistance.  When you feel the resistance and self-doubt and confusion and all the other things show up, lean in.  Embrace it and open up to the lesson right in front of you.

Consider the notion that the resistance that you are experiencing is an indicator and that all it is..  It’s an indicator that you are on the right track, heading into growth, the lesson is straight ahead and lean in.

If you recall last year Steve and I made the decision to move our fur family and ourselves to Florida, half way across the country.  We didn’t know how, we just knew what.  Within days of the decision, opportunities to make that dream a reality were presented to us.  We saw everyone of them and jumped, both feel.

Here is the deal…we weren’t looking for signs, we weren’t second guessing any decision, even when things got hard and ugly and challenging…and they did.

We made decisions that we loved and we made decisions that we didn’t love and then made different decisions that we loved.

You should go watch the replay if you have not seen it.

You are smarter and stronger than you think and you are braver than you will have to be on this journey.

I knew moving my two horses would be a challenge and it was.  I knew I had to be brave and do it anyway.  What I learned in the process of figuring it all out, I could not have learned by quitting, by turning around and going back.  When I leaned into the fear, I saw the lessons.  I learned that it wasn’t as hard as I was making it, and I didn’t have to be nearly as brave as I expected.

So, What Do I Do?

No one gets a straight shot to their target.  The obstacles on the course are there to encourage growth, evolve you and create an experience that allows you to show up as your highest and best self, even when it’s hard, even when you feel like quitting, even when you experience failure and doubt and worry.  Even when…

We spend way tooooooo much time avoiding failure and the truth is that you cannot have success without failure.  It’s not going to feel good all the time, it’s going to be painful at times and yet, it’s supposed to be exactly like that.

If it’s not, your goal isn’t big enough, you are under-dreaming, under-goaling, underestimating your own worth and value and talent and gifts.

When you spend your time trying to avoid failure, you are also avoiding success.  You can’t have one without the other my friends, it does not work that way.

Embrace it, lean in and go claim you prize!

Transformation Tuesday Replays.

Posted in goals, motivation

Who Do You Have To Become?

When you think about your goals and living your life by design, what comes up for you?

Do you think about what you HAVE to have ?  Maybe you start thinking about what you HAVE to do?  You might even think about the HOW.

I know when I think of a big goal, one of those that seems totally impossible, my brain always asks me, “how do you plan and doing that?”

What if you shifted the focus to WHO?  Who do you HAVE to become?

Whatever your goal is…

Who do you have to become?  Who will you be when you get their?  How will you have transformed yourself?  What transformations will you have experienced to get there?  What kind of things do you have to let go of?  What self-limiting beliefs are not serving you?  What new beliefs do you need to believe?  What do you need to learn?  How many times are you willing to fail?

What do you need to think in  to create the result that you want?

  • To become a fit and healthy person, you need to think like a fit an healthy person.
  • To create a loving and kind relationship, you need to think like loving and kind person.
  • To be a successful entrepreneur, you need to think like a successful entrepreneur.

So how do you do that from where you are now?  How do you do that on your journey to becoming the new version of you, the one that created the result?  How do you do that when you have never done that before?

One step at a time, one decision at a time, one useful thought at a time!

If you are stuck, ready to get it in gear, ready to start living your life by design instead of default…ping me!

I am offering a free 30 minute session to work out your kinks and get you on the goal track.  Click here to set up your free session.  Click here to find out what it’s like to work with me.

 

Posted in goals, motivation

Job Love

Do you get the Sunday  night blues, every night of the week?

Do you vent about your boss or the company or co-workers?

Do you dread the workday?

Do you feel disengaged?

We all do from time to time, that’s why vacations or so useful.  But, if you find yourself in this state most of the time, it’s time to do something about it.

Now most of the time people think they need to get a new job or get a new boss but I don’t think that is necessary at all!  I think you need to get a new mindset!

This is the one area that you can experience the most profound transformation in the shortest period of time and experience the biggest benefit…overnight.

I normally say that thought work is simple but it’s not easy.  In this case, not only is this thought work simple…it’s a piece of cake.

Why is it important to step into this work?

  • We spend a lot of time at work, too much time to not enjoy it.
  • When we vent to others, there is no upside, in fact, we bring them into our negative energy.
  • To wake up in dread every day is a total waste of your life and for sure you are dragging that into work with you.
  • Lack of engagement spreads and breeds like bacteria, you don’t want to be the carrier.
  • If you want to make more money, get a promotion or even get a better job…you will need a new mindset.

Now some of you might think that if you had a different boss or different co-workers that you would not need a new mindset.  That is actually not true.  In fact, if you do not work on your mindset now, you will just carry this baggage with you and eventually you will find yourself in a job you don’t like working with people you don’t like.

It’s true!

So many of us have the idea that it’s our boss’s job, our company’s job, or our co-workers responsibility to make us feel motivated, inspired, fulfilled, relevant, respected, appreciated, utilized, liked, satisfied valued etc…

That my friends is an inside job.

It has never been and it never will be anyone’s job, or responsibility to make you feel anything about your job..that can only come from you.

This is the best news ever, because when you are dependent on someone else to make you feel better, you will always be let down and disappointed.  When you assume responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings, you are empowered and not at the effect of someone else.

When you change the way that you look at things, the things you look at change…

When you think a thought like, “My boss is an idiot and a micro-manager,” how does that make YOU show up in the workplace?  How does that thought contribute to YOUR results?  Probably not getting the best results right?  I know that you think you can hide your feelings well and that it does not affect your work…your are so wrong.  It shows up, it’s not a secret.

And remember, your brain wants to prove your thoughts true (confirmation bias).  Your brain will serve you all the evidence that you need in order to keep thinking that your boss is an idiot and a micro-manager, even when it’s not true!!!!

It works the other way too…

What if you tried on the thought, “My boss is knowledgeable and interested in my work.”  When you think that, how does that feel?  How do you think that you would show up differently?

As you think that thought, your brain will also serve you evidence that those thoughts are true too, even if they are not!  I ask you, which thought serves you better?  It is that easy!

I am so convinced that I can help you make an overnight transformation in this area that I am willing to help you out for free!  That’s right.  I will work with you for 30 minutes at no charge and no obligation and we will get you into the right mindset so that you can learn to love your job, your boss and your co-workers.  All you have to do is let me know and I will schedule your free session.

When you are able to step into the person who takes ownership of your own emotions, you are able to create any result that you desire.

Sign me up for my free session.

Watch the Transformation Tuesday Replays here.

Posted in goals

Rinse and Repeat Cycle of Life

Our brain is an amazing organ but it also gets us into sooooo much trouble when not managed.  We can get caught in a cycle of buffering and then our days are very much a rinse and repeat of behaviors and actions that don’t serve us.

The why is because of our brain’s motivational strategy to seek pleasure, avoid pain and to conserve energy.

Here is how it happens…

We see food, we eat food, we feel good, then when we feel bad, we want to feel good,  so we eat more food…repeat.

Insert any other buffering behavior.

  • We see cool guy smoking, we want to be a cool guy, we smoke, we feel cool…repeat!
  • We see pretty lady, we want to be pretty lady, we shop for pretty clothes, we feel good…repeat!
  • We see classy lady drinking pretty drink, we want to be classy, we drink, we feel classy…repeat!

This is reward based learning and our brain is very good at it.  What happens though is that when we do these things at the effect of our sub-conscious, we over-indulge in almost every area.

Instead of learning how to cope with emotions and situations, we buffer until we feel better.

I love this quote “you can never get enough of what you don’t need, because what you don’t need doesn’t have the power to satisfy you.”-Dallin H Oaks.

You can add over working, over working out, watching too much TV, playing video games too much.  Anything that we do to soothe our emotions, distract us from feeling bad, or entertain us when we are bored is a buffering behavior.

I know I talk a lot about mindfulness and you can’t pick up a self-help book without reading about mindfulness.  It is the first step in changing anything that needs to be changed.  It’s the first step to a more evolved you.

The truth is that you can’t change anything unless you are aware and you understand what is driving your behavior or habit.

We tend to beat ourselves up and get so hard on ourselves when we buffer but beating yourself up does not serve you when it comes to changing behavior.

What we need is a new thought and a new emotion.

Let’s try this emotion…curiosity!

Be curious about the thoughts and emotions that are that are driving your buffering behavior.  Your thoughts can come in the form of a question and guess what?  You have changed your emotions and your thoughts, from whatever it was, to curiosity.

We can’t continue to call ourselves names like loser, fatty, good for nothing, ugly, nerdy, useless, worthless.  We can’t keep saying “I can’t, I don’t understand or I don’t know how”.

Instead, be curious.  “I wonder why I feel restless, I wonder why I feel bored, I am curious why this event is so difficult, I wonder….”

I have done this and for sure it’s really hard to continue beating yourself up while you are exploring.

Buffering to make the emotions go away does not make the emotions go away, it just makes us not feel them…for now.

Click here to watch Transformation Tuesday Facebook Live Replays

Posted in goals, motivation

10 Ways We Quit Ourselves

In my blog, “Why Can’t I Get off My A&$”, I explained the brains Motivational Triad as the reason why our motivation wanes.

Maybe this resonates with you:

  • You plan on sticking to a meal plan but then you break and abandon the plan.
  • You intend on finishing projects on time but then, well… you don’t
  • You plan on reading more, meditating, yoga…you know, all that “good for the soul” stuff, and then you get too rushed, too busy, too tired.
  • You say you are going to work out at least four days a week and that plan falls short most weeks. Continue reading “10 Ways We Quit Ourselves”