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Posted in goals

When Things Start To Suck

When Steve and I decided to explore the opportunity to move to Florida earlier this year, we received tons of confirmation from the universe that we were on the right track.

Or did we?

If you have been following our story for a while, you know that Steve got a job in Florida almost immediately…that’s a good sign. I was able to stay with my job and work remotely…that’s a good sign. We sold our house in a day, totally amazing and that’s a good sign. We bought a house in an equestrian community and can board our horses for $100 a month.

So what about when it just feels like nothing is going your way?  Does that mean that you made a bad decision?

We have had to deal with replacing the septic system, fire ants, rain rot, heat exhaustion, scratches, stocked up legs, non-stop rain and for sure the hardest work I have ever had to do taking care of my horses…EVER.

When it feels like nothing is going your way, look at what you are thinking. You might be thinking that nothing is going your way and for sure that will be your result.

Your results always prove your thoughts true.

Here is how it works:

Circumstance – Something happens, pick anything from my list above.
Thought – We must have made a bad decision
Feeling – Feels like nothing is going our way
Action – Second guess our decision
Result – Convinced we made a mistake

As humans, when we think about living our dream, we think it’s going to be all sunshine and daisies, rainbows and unicorns.  So, when it’s not, we can feel like we screwed up somewhere, made a bad decision and we start second guessing everything.

Think about an Olympic athlete winning a gold medal. While standing on the podium, they are in the height of the glory of living the dream. But think about all hard work to get there.  Most days were sore muscles, no sleep, managing their diet, scrimping money for training etc…

If the athlete would be thinking the thought, “I must have made a bad decision,” how long do you think they would stay on their journey? Not long.

There is no reason to think that you would be able to stay on your dream journey with that thought either!

Remember, thoughts are optional, and you must choose the thought that is going to get the result that you want.

So, what to do? Manage your thoughts!!

Sure, it’s been tough but there have been tons of learning and opportunities to exercise my thought muscle.

Obstacles just become your “to do” list, your strategy, a map.

Learn how to take care of horses in heat and humidity, get smart about fire ants, be thankful you have money to replace your septic system even if that’s not what you wanted to spend that money on.

Those are the thoughts that serve me.

Second guessing decisions serve no purpose.

Just because stuff happens does not mean that you have made a bad decision or that anything bad has happened, you make it mean something by your thoughts.

Things always work out the way that they should, they just do.  Hang on to that thought when it gets tough.

Look for the opportunity to learn and grow. Look for the opportunity to stretch yourself in an area that serves you.

Don’t always be looking for the easy button. Growth is not there!

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!!!

Posted in goals

Fire Your Manager and Up-Level Your Life!!!!

I love it when businesses post “under new management” notices. It lets us know that changes have been made and you can expect an up-leveled experience. We can expect things to be different…better.

Bad service is a sign of bad leadership. You can almost picture the manager or leader style just by watching their staff or team and how their business performs.

Every time!

Soooo, that got me to thinking about the manager or leader of your life.  YOU!

What is your current style? Do you demonstrate compassion and love for yourself or do you demonstrate self-pity and doubt, fear and anxiety? Are you doing OK at least 80% of the time or is it more 30-50% of the time. Do you have room for improvement or are you exceeding your own expectations?

Would you be satisfied of your favorite restaurant was doing OK only 30-50% of the time?

What if you managed your life with the same high-level expectations that you have for others in your life?

What if you managed your thoughts to only those that served you? Notice that I said “served you.”

Your management style is creating results in your life. Do you like the results?
Your management style is reflected back to you in real time by the quality of your relationships, the quality of your health, the quality of your work-life, the quality of the food you choose, the quality decisions that you make.

Are you happy with your management style or do you need and evaluation, a review, a remediation plan to improve?

What is your mission statement? Your purpose? Every business has them.

“You are your business.”

I had to fire the manager of my life. The one that offered worry and anxiety as an appropriate emotion most days. I had to fire the manager that didn’t know how to manage thoughts and chose to think the worst of everyone, everything and lived in isolation emotionally. I fired the manager that didn’t make appropriate fuel choices for my body and fuel choices for my brain. I had to fire that manager with a scarcity mindset around time, money and relationships. She is gone! She does not get to manage my life any longer.

I have super-duper high expectations of my new manager. She must make commitments to herself and keep them. She must have her own back. She is not allowed to entertain thoughts that don’t serve her. She is totally allowed to feel negative emotions and be with them as long as she needs to but is not allowed to buffer in response to being with them. She must manage her mindset around money, time and relationships. She must show up every day in a way that serves the universe.

I love my new manager!

Do you need to fire your manager to up-level your results?

Go have a meeting with yourself today. Write up your expectations, purpose and mission statement.

Now go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!

Posted in goals

How Do I Stop?

How can I stop doing stuff that doesn’t make my life better, and start doing stuff that does makes my life better?

Now that is a great question, and I think it’s worth a blog.

If we want different results we need different thoughts.

Remember, thoughts trigger our emotions, and our emotions become our fuel for action or non-action, and  that my friends is how we get our results.

What is the result that you want? I mean really, really want? Do you know? Have you stopped long enough to listen, and listened hard enough to hear?

We are afraid to ask sometimes, we are afraid to imagine a life that is beyond our grasp.
We fail ahead of time talking ourselves out of even trying because we can’t imagine that it would even be possible to have what we really want.  To feel better, to lose the weight, to manage our anger, to stop over-drinking to stop over-shopping, to have a job we love, to have the marriage of or dreams, to mend the relationships, the land the deals…

We talk ourselves out of wanting anything so we don’t feel the pain of disappointment.   So we don’t feel the pain of rejection, fear and anxiety.

We are more comfortable living at the effect of what life hands us, because then we can just blame our circumstances and all of the people that have a hand in our circumstances.

Guess what?  Those people are you!  Your results create your circumstances.  So if your circumstances are out of alignment with your results then my friend, we have work to do.

Get started today.  You don’t have to entertain the first thought that comes into your head, the unintentional thought.  You can let that one go and land on a thought that serves you.

“I can’t, I don’t know how, I am not sure?” None of these thoughts serve you, EVER!

The first step to stop doing the stuff that does not serve you, is to stop thinking the thought that doesn’t serve you and start finding the ones that do serve you.

Try this…”I am figuring this thing out.” “I am figuring out how to do this thing.”

No one ever figured anything out saying “I can’t.”

So, in the words of my one of my favorite girl bands, The Spice Girls…what do you want? I mean, really, really want!

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger.

Posted in goals

Repeat After Me…Everything Is Figure-out-able!!!

I want you to catch yourself every time you find yourself saying, “I don’t know or
I can’t.”

Maybe it sounds like, “I don’t know why I just can’t lose weight?” “I don’t know how to do….” “I don’t have enough time.” “I don’t have enough money.” “I can’t do it by myself…”

These thoughts give us permission to quit on ourselves because as long as we think that we don’t know how or we can’t, we don’t have to take action, so we don’t.

We let ourselves off the hook! When we do that, we rob ourselves and the world the benefit of showing up as our best selves.

Repeat after me…”Everything is figure-out-able!” I know that isn’t a real word, but it should be.

Watch what happens in your life when you stop saying “I don’t know or I can’t,” and you start saying, “I am going to figure this thing out.”

As much as your brain really, really, really hates it when you introduce goals that require change, your brain loves accomplishment.

When you figure this thing out, your brain will get a dopamine hit and ask, “what’s next?”

For whatever you want to do, there is a way!

Now go be goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!!!

Posted in goals

“Quitting is a Habit, Justifying Quitting is a Skill” ~Brooke Castillo

I don’t even know who said this originally but I love this quote, “It’s a slow process, but quitting won’t speed it up.”

My life coach, Brooke Castillo says, “Quitting is a habit and justifying quitting is a skill.”

What we practice the most is what we get the best at doing.

And that goes for everything…if you are practicing overeating, you’re getting better at overeating.

If you’re practicing over drinking, you’re getting better at over drinking.

If you are practicing at over spending, over working, over anything, that is what you are getting really good at.

If you are in the habit of quitting, then you have been practicing quitting.

If you’re practicing justifying why you’re quitting, you’re getting better at that.”

There is no reason to continue on the course of quitting things and then justifying the quitting.

Your brain will always try to talk you out of things.

It’s your brain Motivational Triad.

Go back and read one of my previous blogs to find out the many ways we quit ourselves.

“Stop quitting and start getting stuff done” is more than my tagline…it’s a the way!!!”

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, GOAL DIGGER!!!

Posted in goals

We Did It!!!!!

My last blog was July 13th.  Most of you know that Steve and I have moved from Oklahoma to Florida.

It’s not an easy task moving down the street, let alone across the country, with 6 fur babies!

I can’t say that I am feeling incredibly creative at the moment.  I may not have clever words for this write, but I am going to do it any way…write that is.

How did we do it?  It started with a decision.

What do we want.  Not a “how” …a what.

Then we talked about why.  Why Florida, why does it make sense, why should we…why?

Then the “what”, again, over and over.

What does moving to Florida feel like, look like, sound like, what thoughts come up when think it or say it out loud.  What is scary, what is exciting, what is crazy about the idea.

Then we talked about when.  When do we do this, when do we pull the trigger, when do we do this and then when do we do that etc…?

Then how.  The how was the least important.   We didn’t know and we didn’t even try to know how.  We have never moved to Florida before so the thought seemed like more than we should be thinking about at our age, so we didn’t.

We just kept talking about the “what”.

Pretty soon we started seeing opportunities, we started seeing possibilities.  The “how” started happening.

It’s hard work making your dream come true, even when every element in the universe is unfolding just for you, it’s hard.  You still have to take massive action, every single day, do something.

We had several moments when we consciously thought to ourselves “right here, this is where people quit, right before they cross the finish line, right here.”  We had several of those moments when staying would have been way easier.

We kept going, doing the hard stuff. Sometimes it was pretty and graceful but most of the time it was clunky and uncomfortable.

Going through the hard stuff, being willing to be uncomfortable, not quitting before you cross the finish line, that is the currency for success.  That is where the growth happens.

Now, what is your what???????

Go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!!!

 

Posted in goals

Take a Chance

As most of you know, a few weeks ago, Steve and I decided to step out of our comfort zone and set out for a new adventure, relocating to Tampa, Florida.  Adventurous is a word that no one would use to describe Steve or me.  In fact, we are both compliance people, risk averse!

I can tell you that many conversations took place before we landed on Tampa but that is a different blog.

What is important to know is that once we decided the what, the how started to reveal itself.  Even when we thought we knew the path and how it was going to go, it went a different way.

It’s also important to know that we had this conversation two years ago, the one about moving to Florida.

So how is it that this time it happened and two years ago it did not?

Mindset!

Two years ago, just talking about it kind of freaked me out.  It felt to big of a dream.  So, we decided that we should not take a chance, we should just ride out our careers and then make the move.  Don’t rock the boat.  Scarcity mindset.

This year when the topic came up again, I wanted to try my new mindset, the mindset of abundance.  The mindset that said, “why not explore the opportunity and see what comes up?”

We both intentionally reminded ourselves and each other not get attached to the how but focus on the what.

And guess what happened?

Within weeks, Steve had a job.  Then he began organizing and sorting his keep pile from his sell pile.  Then we sold the house, bought a house and amazingly, I get to stay with my job and work remote.  Two years ago I would have been afraid to ask if that was a possibility.

Our scarcity mindset of two years ago held us back, slowed down the process, and prolonged the inevitable.  We had quit on ourselves and failed ahead of time.

Embracing the abundant mindset opened our eyes to possibilities, and opportunities.  Embracing abundance has opened our lives to others who are sharing in our experience, supporting our adventure and cheering us on.

I will for sure be writing more about how we did it exactly but for now I want to leave you with this:

  • Take a chance on a piece of crap house sitting on crappy land, it could be your dream home, or someone else’s. Thank you honey for always seeing the vision even when it tested everything about us.  We passed!
  • Take a chance on that sad little dog that no one wants, it could rescue you right back. Thank you Penny, Bella, Two Putt, Harley and sweet Lucy.  I learned lessons that I did not even know I needed to learn.
  • Take a chance on that no bloodline horse that didn’t even have a name, she may teach you more than you thought you could ever learn. Thank you Baby J. I don’t understand you yet, but I am trying.
  • Take a chance and drive three hours and try that horse in the parking lot of a truck stop. Then take it home and go to the world show and blow your own mind.  Thank you my sweet Kit.  The horse with the running heart blaze and a heart that runs deep.
  • Take a chance and climb that prickly tree to rescue the only cat to ever wonder onto your property and live to meow about it. He might rescue you back.  Thank you Mr. Mr. Kitty.  You saved us that weekend.
  • Take a chance on a gelding named Buck. Regardless of how horrible he sounds, he may be the most amazing equine you will ever meet.  Thank you Buck.  I did everything on you first.  You started out being the horse that no one wanted and now you are everyone’s horse.
  • Take a chance on love again when your heart is ripped out and then buried, she is not gone, she still takes care of you. Thank you Scooter.  I felt you catch me when I fell, I feel your breath on my neck, and your presence is peaceful.  Please be on the trailer as we travel to Florida.
  • Take a chance on a black dog that someone dumps on your property, let him stay. He will fiercely protect you and lovingly greet you and all of your guests.  Thank you Shadow Man.  What an amazingly loyal and loving creature.
  • Take a chance on one more dog even when you know you have enough because he means so much to everyone and he will be just what you needed after all. Be so totally dedicated to loving him that you sit in the rain and play ball with him because that is what makes him happy.  Thank you D.  D, my grand doggy, my loyal protector, my barn yard companion, my daughter’s heart.
  • Take a chance on yourself and know that you have no limits. Even when your brain says that you do have limits, you don’t!  Take a chance!

We have had tragic experiences and loving experiences.  There were a hundred times that we wanted to throw in the towel, and do what, we didn’t know.  Anything but what we were facing seemed good enough.

Then the way we looked at things changed and that changed the way things looked.

When we saw the blessings even in the tragedy, the curse was lifted.  When we were grateful, we saw more blessing than we felt worthy of.

We have grown, evolved and matured, not just aged, but matured…not without taking a chance.

Now go be a goal getting, goal setting, goal digger!!!

Posted in goals

Lazy…Uninspired…Unmotivated!!!

Sometimes I feel

  • lazy
  • uninspired
  • unmotivated

In these moments, I start thinking things like,

  • “You are a fraud girl, people will turn on you when they find out.”
  • “They all think that you are some kind of super-human.”
  • “You aren’t super at all, you are just human.”

Sometimes working on my goals is that last thing I feel like doing.

And if I am being totally honest, there are times I would rather not do the thought work and just sit in my head and throw a fit.

Shouldn’t we feel inspired all of the time????

No!!!!

You aren’t going to feel inspired or motivated most of the time!

Most of us wait until we feel inspired or feel motivation before we take action.

Some days I don’t feel like running, in fact, most days.  There are actually days that I don’t feel like riding my horses, gasp! Sometimes, I don’t feel any inspiration to write a blog.

None of these feelings have anything to do with my desire to achieve whatever the goal is.  My actions do!

You aren’t always going to feel happy and things are not always going to be easy just because you are doing something that you love.  In fact, the law of polarity says that 50% of the time you won’t be happy and things will be hard.

We self-sabotage and fail ahead of time and talk ourselves out of the very thing we can’t stop thinking about, just because we lose our motivation or inspiration and it gets hard.

I always thought that as long as I am on the right track, things would be easy and rainbows and unicorns.

Wrong…it’s mostly still a sh^t show!

The motivation to do something follows the activity of doing something.  Motivation follows action.  Not the other way around.  In fact, your brain will always try to talk you out of doing anything that is going to make you stretch and grow.  Your brain likes easy and familiar, even if it’s bad for you.

So even if you don’t feel like it, put one foot in front of the other, and just start moving one step closer, then another and then another.

As much as your brain loves to talk you out of doing something, it loves accomplishment, it loves a sense of completion.

So go do that thing, even when you don’t feel like it, even when it’s hard, even when…

Let your brain feel the sense of completion and accomplishment and then do that again!

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!!!

Posted in goals, motivation

This Amazing Life

  • Take a chance.
  • Feel the fear.
  • Do it anyway.
  • Instead of fear, be excited.
  • Know it always works out.
  • Know that you can handle it if it doesn’t.
  • Have an idea.
  • Don’t play safe, play fair.
  • Do it again.
  • And again.
  • Make someone’s day.
  • Let that fill you up.
  • Do it again.
  • And again.
  • Have an idea.
  • Lose sleep with excitement.
  • Wake up dying to tell someone.
  • Do it again.
  • And again.
  • Spend your money on things you think will fill you up. Eat the food, drink the drinks, watch the shows. Spend your time scrolling through the lives of everyone else while ….NEVER!!!!!
  • Take a class.
  • Buy a book.
  • Try something.
  • Feel frustrated that it’s hard.
  • Be unsure that it’s your thing.
  • Be afraid  you’re never going to be as good as…
  • Do it again.
  • And again.
  • Take another class.
  • Start showing up differently – to your job, your family, your life.
  • Wear the good clothes.
  • Sing out loud in the car. Even though you aren’t alone.
  • Stop and doubt sometimes.
  • But then do it anyway.
  • Feel like you’re getting pulled back in.
  • Shake it out.
  • Submit a piece of writing.
  • Or a piece of art.
  • Start the blog.
  • Write the book.
  • Start the podcast.
  • Email your heroes.
  • Do a happy dance when they reply.
  • Try something that doesn’t work.
  • Wonder if you should give it all up.
  • Open your inbox to a message from someone telling you that you changed their life.
  • Take a deep breath.
  • Do it again.
  • And again
  • Take 1 step toward your future you
  • Take more steps.
  • Realize that the only thing standing in your way is you.

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!!!

Posted in goals

Never…Ever…Underestimate You!!!

The absolute worst and most unimaginable thing that you can do to yourself is to decide ahead of time what you are capable of.

You are capable of more than you can even imagine.

That’s why goal setting is sooooo stinking tricky!  We tend to write down things that we are pretty sure we can achieve.  We play safe and when we play safe, we show up safe.  Showing up safe is not brave or courageous, it’s just safe.

Setting massive goals, big-ass, mack-daddy goals feels scary and huge and outside of anything that we can imagine for ourselves.  Exactly!

Set goals that excite you and scare you and energize you and push you to do things that you never imagined yourself doing…seriously, do it!

What is that thing that you can’t let go of?  That thing that feels like it only happens for other people, what is it?  Write it down.

Write down the story of achieving that goal.  Not the how, the what.  Describe what you achieved as if you have already achieved it.  How does it look, how does it feel, how does it smell?

What are your thoughts and emotions about achieving this goal?  Describe it all!

What will you day be like when you achieve this goal, what’s the first thing you do and what is the last thing you do every day when you reach this goal?

Just let your thoughts run wild and crazy and reckless with the possibility of what is possible…and write it all down, every last thought.

Do you want to know why?

Your brain will look for evidence that your thoughts are true.  You will start seeing opportunities, you will recognize the universe working in your favor.  You will start believing in what is possible.  You will move one step closer 1% at a time.

A very wise man is known for this quote and I believe it to be true…In fact, I am counting on it to be absolutely 100% truth.

”Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right!”  Thank you Henry Ford.

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!!!

 

 

Posted in goals

Nothing Is Too Good To Be True

“I knew it was too good to be true,”  “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”

Yuk!!!!  What horrible thoughts!  Unfortunately, I have thought it and said it myself.

It’s a skeptical view-point and a scarcity mindset that something seemingly fine must have something wrong with it.

It’s a belief that nothing is as good as it seems, or worse, you aren’t worthy of receiving anything so good and favorable, so it must not be true.

Now I am not talking about things that are false being true, I am talking about legit, real things feeling too good, and/or being so close to what we want that we back away because, well…”it’s just too good to be true.”

So we fail ahead of time because we don’t want to be disappointed.  We don’t go for the job, or invest emotionally into the relationship or jump into the new business, even when we see evidence that we are on the right path, we dismiss the evidence as, “too good to be true.”

It’s just a thought that is put there by your brain as an effort to keep you safe, from feeling fear and rejection and feeling anxiety, it’s your brains motivational triad at work, and that’s OK.  Doesn’t mean you have to listen, doesn’t mean you have to respond, and it doesn’t mean it’s even true.

The truth is that “nothing is too good to be true” is a thought that you can choose to think as you approach your goals and objectives.  As you start down the path of up-leveling your life, becoming your future you, you are going to come face to face with opportunities and advantages.  Recognize them and take them.  They are not too good to be true, this is the way that the universe works.

Try thinking the thought that “nothing is too good to be true” over and over, write it out over and over.  Feel the peace that comes from thinking a thought like that, see if you  start seeing opportunities and advantages coming your way.

My husband and I have recently made a major life decision lately and almost as soon as we decided the “what” the “how” started presenting itself.  We started seeing opportunities that we could explore, and take advantage of.  We aren’t getting emotionally challenged or charged by any of the several opportunities available.  We aren’t dismissing them as too good to be true either.  In fact, our approach is that we are open to all of it and nothing is too good to be true.

It’s still scary, but fear is just a vibration in the body, it doesn’t hurt.  It is exciting and excitement is just a vibration in the body as well.

What makes you feel good or bad, is the thought that you choose to think. 

Somehow, we humans got the idea that we would only have good thoughts and things would be easy and fun and daisies and rainbows in pursuit of our goals and dreams.

That’s not true.  Pursuing your goals and dreams is scary, and exciting and hard and requires growth and you get tested and you fail and you try again and you grow again and then you get there and think…huh, that wasn’t so bad, what’s next?

So my friends, nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, is too good to be absolutely true!

Now, go be a goal getting, goal setting, goal digger!!!

 

 

Posted in goals

Measure Yourself Against Where You Were, Not Where You Are Going

Goals have so many components to them.  There is the “what you want,” then there is the “how you gonna get it” and there is the “why do this thang”…and in any one of those areas we can get off track, give up and end up in the spin cycle of life where we rinse and repeat our days…day after day.

We can get so caught up in the outcome,  and what it means to achieve the goal, that we lose sight of who we are becoming in the process, and that my friends is where the gold is.  It’s in the process.

I know it’s easy to compare where you are to where you want to be and feel like you have so far to go.  You can find yourself asking, what’s the point?  I had that very experience this past weekend.

This past weekend I was at a recognized dressage show and had a chance to watch the upper level riders ride.  It was breath-taking and awesome and then overwhelming.  As I watched their rides I was excited for the possibility that one day I could be that good.  When the inner critic committee showed up, I was reminded of how far I have to go, reminded of the work ahead and reminded of the sense of feeling like I don’t belong in this dream.

When you measure yourself against how far you have to go, you start cheating yourself.  You cheat yourself out of how far you have come already, you cheat yourself out of where you are now, and you cheat yourself out of your future, because on this train of thought, you feel like quitting.

Clearly defined goals, with measurable milestones, helps you understand if you are making progress.  And it’s all about making progress.  Getting 1% better every day.

When you measure yourself against how far you have come, you may find yourself in a space that you never imagined, you may actually find yourself smack dab in the middle of pursuing your dream.   You may find yourself doing the thing.

That also happened this weekend.

It was just a few years ago I was figuring out dressage and how to tack up my horse, what to wear, the protocol, the training, riding in that little saddle, all of it, and now we are showing at recognized shows and winning blue ribbons.

Every rider that I watched this weekend was, at one time, where I am today and that’s where hope and inspiration comes from, all the possibilities.

Someone was watching us, and thinking about the possibilities for them, she was kind enough to let me know this weekend, right when I needed to be reminded.

She said, “I remember when I was at the 2015 WDAA World Show I saw your ride on your red horse.  I was talking to friends and I had to stop the conversation to watch.  I just love the way that your mare travels.  You two have a very good connection, and you can see that she just loves her job…”

Someone was watching me three years ago when I was just getting started.  WHAT????

So while you are pursuing your dream and you are feeling like it’s a train wreck, all while feeling overwhelmed, tired and defeated, remember this…someone else may be watching you and dreaming of all of the possibilities.

Now go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!!!

Posted in goals

What Big Goals Do That Little Goals Don’t

“Become a millionaire not for the million dollars, but for what it will make of you to achieve it.”— Jim Rohn

I love this quote and it can be applied to anything, not just wealth.

Working toward a goal, a really big one, a ginormous goal, grows you into a person that you would not become otherwise.  It transforms you.

It causes you to work smarter, learn more, show up in a big way, builds character, grit and determination.

Little goals don’t do that for you.  Little goals keep you moving and can keep you busy, maybe even distracting, but they don’t transform you.

In fact, if your goal doesn’t transform you, it might not be a goal at all, it might be a task or a project, and that’s OK as long as you weren’t expecting a major transformation.

I knew I wanted to compete with horses when we started our horse adventure 7 years ago — but I underestimated all of the things that becoming a competitive horsewoman would do for me, I also underestimated everything I’d need to learn and become as well.

Transformational goals teach you…

  • How to learn and become a great student.
  • How to generate and duplicate results.
  • How to show up in the world differently.
  • How to be with uncomfortable emotions.
  • How to define and redefine yourself.
  • How to manage your thoughts differently.
  • How to count on yourself, have your own back and be your biggest fan.
  • How to cheer generously for others and their success.
  • How to give praise and how to receive compliments and criticism.
  • How to develop patience, empathy, grace and gratitude.
  • How failure is nothing but a timing issue.
  • How to let go and how to hang on.
  • How to develop your instincts and trust yourself.
  • How to feel the fear and do it anyway.

What you learn and become is far more important than accomplishments.  In fact, if you over-attach yourself to your accomplishments, you’ll get fixated in your ego, you will get stuck.

Celebrate for a moment and then reset, calibrate and orchestrate a new goal.

What unrealistic goal are you trying to accomplish?

What is an unrealistic goal that you could pursuit that would facilitate the greatest transformation?  Do that!

Now go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!!!

photo credit:  Mary Lou Kultgen ~thank you Mary Lou!~

 

 

 

Posted in goals

Letting Go

Sometimes, in order to achieve your goal, you have to let go of the when and the how but hang on the belief that you can and will.

In my previous blog, I talked about wanting to “get the buckle” at the WDAA World Show in 2017 with Kit.  It’s a good read, check it out.  Well, I didn’t get the buckle at that show but…keep reading.

What I want you to understand is that just because you don’t hit your target, you didn’t fail, it’s a timing issue.  Maybe you got the how and when wrong and that’s OK.

Last year one of my friends was pursuing her bronze medal in dressage.  I remember being at one of the shows in which the score came in just a sliver too low, I mean, she missed it by a hair.  How disappointing for her, but a few months later she tried again.

This time, she slayed her ride and nailed the score, I mean hit it out of the park.  She earned her medal by a landslide, not a sliver.  She didn’t give up just because she missed it previously. The moment she got her score was incredibly emotional, it’s a difficult process to earn a medal and the obstacles she had to overcome were not easy.

You can’t get too attached to the how and the when you will attain what you desire because you just never know.  Be actively growing into the person who has achieved your goal, practice being that person today, do what that person does, learn what that person has learned.  Become the version of yourself that already has what you desire.

Practice being your higher self today!

So back to my buckle story…the story ends like this; I got my buckle but not how I thought or when I thought.  At the year end awards for the show season, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the award for Basic Level Champion was a buckle, and I won it.  The irony continues however, the horse I earned it on was not Kit, it was Baby J.

Now go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!!!

Posted in goals

“Only Those Who Risk Going Too Far Know How Far They Can Go” ~T.S. Elliot

It’s so fascinating that whenever we start to think about something that we want to do, something that we want to accomplish, our brain goes into what I call, motivational triad triage.

Remember, your brain wants to seek pleasure, avoid pain and conserve energy.

Whatever “the thing” is that you want to do, will require you learn something new or change a habit.  It will for sure require more energy and that’s not OK with your brain.

Your brain wants to do what is familiar, easy, and for sure always pleasurable.  It likes your old habits, even if they are crappy ones that are bad for you.

I remember so vividly all of the thoughts that I had around showing Kit at the Western Dressage World Show for the first time in 2015 and how different my thoughts were leading up to the  second show in 2016 and for sure the third show in 2017 was a stark contrast.

The first year my thoughts were, “Who do you think you are?”  “You don’t know what you are doing.”  You can’t possibly think you can do this, you are just getting your feet wet.”  “You are just here to learn, no one is going to take you seriously.” “You have never done this before.” “Kit is just a racehorse.”

The second year my thoughts were, “Last year was beginners luck.” “What if you don’t do as well this year as you did last year?”  “What will people say?” “People will find out you don’t know what you are doing.”  “They will think you are an idiot.”

I failed ahead of time, not once but twice.  Justifying, just in case I showed up crappy.

By the end of the second World Show, I knew I had to change my thoughts if I wanted to do a third World Show.  I was running out of steam physically and mentally I was on empty.  I was not disappointed with the outcomes at all, in fact I was incredibly proud but I still had thoughts that I could not shake and they were stealing the joy out of the experience.

That’s what negative thoughts do, they steal your joy!

The first thing I did was get very clear about what I wanted as an outcome.  I wrote down exactly what success was going to look like.  I wrote out how I would feel and what I would think, and dare I say, I wrote down that I wanted the dadgum buckle!

I didn’t want to just get my feet wet, or just have fun or just get experience.  Sure I wanted those things, but success would like a buckle, and it would look like a mentally healthy horse and rider, a physically healthy horse and rider, it would look like every ride  blew my own mind.  Success looked like me showing up 100% knowing I belonged there.  I was going to show up like I wanted the buckle.  I was going to train like it and show up like it.  That was my commitment to Kit and to me.

So instead of investing in the negative self-talk, I invested in all of the thoughts that said we could do this, that it was possible.

We always have a choice of looking at what is possible and investing in those thoughts, but our human default is to look at all of the ways that we can fail or what we have to lose and we get very attached to those thoughts.  We hang on to those thoughts like they are our life line.

Whatever we spend the most time thinking about is what forms our core beliefs and our core beliefs create our habits and our habits create our outcomes

But the good news is that when we focus on what is possible, our brain starts working towards that.   You intuition takes over and starts figuring things out, starts showing you the way.  Your gut instinct kicks in and decisions are made that support your outcomes and your grit grows and you start taking massive action toward your intentional outcomes.

When it got too hot, my intuition said, “let’s change the schedule up.”  When I was tired, my intuition said, “a break will do you both good.”  When I would get frustrated my intuition would remind me to do my thought work.  When self-doubt would creep in, I didn’t give it any authority and I managed my thoughts to support my habits and my habits supported my goals.

Sometimes, we humans think our goals should be easy, and comfortable, and that we won’t experience discomfort, and that all of our thoughts will be roses and sunshine with rainbows and unicorns.  That’s not true.

If your goals don’t stretch you, they aren’t goals, they are tasks.

Goals should make you take steps out of your comfort zone, they should teach you things, they should energize you.  They should make you grow, create impact in your life, evolve you.

To achieve your goals you are going to have to do things even when you really don’t want to.  You might have to get up at 5 am because it’s too hot to ride at night.  You might have to call 20 people today to make your sales goal when you would rather watch TV.  You might have to do your long run today even though you would rather go shopping.  You might have to eat healthy when everyone else is eating junk.

Your willingness to be uncomfortable is your currency to success.  Growth is never without at least a little discomfort.

So how do we move from wanting and wishing to doing and pursing that thing?

  1. Be very clear about your goal.  What does success look like?  How will you know if you were successful?  What does it feel like when you are successful?  What are your emotions when you hit your goal?  What are your thoughts about your success?  Write it all out in detail.  Read this daily.
  2. As you write out the detail of your goal, write down all of the thoughts and emotions that come up for you. What is the tone of voice that your inner critic is using?  What are the words?  What is the tone?  What exactly is she trying to protect you from?  What does the feeling feel like in our body?
  3. Write down all of the ways that you benefit on the journey of pursuing your goal? What all will you have to learn?  How much knowledge will you acquire?  Who will you become along the way?  How will you grow?  Financially?  Physically?  Mentally?  Spiritually?  Relationally?
  4. Who else benefits on your journey? Does your journey benefit anyone?  Think about it. Do you have to buy anything, take lessons?  Will your growth positively affect someone else?
  5. Do the “As long as”/ “Even if” exercise.                                                                                   I will commit to ______________ as long as it’s easy, as long as I look smart, as long as I win etc…                                                                                                                                      I will commit to ______________even if it’s hard, even if I am tired, even if no one like it, even if I am scared, even if I fail.  This will measure your commitment.            Think of as many statements as possible.  If you have more as long as statements, you may not have the commitment that you need right now, and that’s OK.  This is not to beat yourself up but to enlighten you to what it is that you really, really want.  I mean really, really, really want.
  6. Go back to #1, look at the emotion that you expect to feel when you hit your goal. Where in your life do you or have you felt that before?  Look for evidence of those emotions and how you can access them today.
  7. The thoughts that you will think when you hit your goal are available to you today.  In fact, you need to start practicing them now.  Your thoughts become your core beliefs that create your habits that support your outcomes.

So, how did the 3rd World Show go?  I didn’t win the buckle but I sure as dang sure made sure that I showed up like I wanted it.  We ended up 3rd again this year and it was an incredible journey.  This year (2017) success looked like this; my horse was happy and healthy going into the show and after the show, she was amazing and seemed to enjoy herself too.  I was happy and healthy going into the show and after the show, I had enough mental and physical energy to continue with a few more shows and we even showed up a level.  I felt like every ride blew my mind with how connected we were and in the end, the score wasn’t the most important measure of success, it was my thoughts.

Listen, I know this stuff is not easy and blogs tend to way over simplify things.  Don’t hesitate to ping me if you want to talk about your goals.  It’s my favorite subject!

Now go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digging, goal getter!!!

Photo credit goes to Camille Fuller who captures the most amazing moments.  Thanks Camille!