Blog

Our brain is an amazing organ but it also gets us into sooooo much trouble when not managed.  We can get caught in a cycle of buffering and then our days are very much a rinse and repeat of behaviors and actions that don’t serve us.

The why is because of our brain’s motivational strategy to seek pleasure, avoid pain and to conserve energy.

Here is how it happens…

We see food, we eat food, we feel good, then when we feel bad, we want to feel good,  so we eat more food…repeat.

Insert any other buffering behavior.

• We see cool guy smoking, we want to be a cool guy, we smoke, we feel cool…repeat!
• We see pretty lady, we want to be pretty lady, we shop for pretty clothes, we feel good…repeat!
• We see classy lady drinking pretty drink, we want to be classy, we drink, we feel classy…repeat!

This is reward based learning and our brain is very good at it.  What happens though is that when we do these things at the effect of our sub-conscious, we over-indulge in almost every area.

Instead of learning how to cope with emotions and situations, we buffer until we feel better.

I love this quote “you can never get enough of what you don’t need, because what you don’t need doesn’t have the power to satisfy you.”-Dallin H Oaks.

You can add over working, over working out, watching too much TV, playing video games too much.  Anything that we do to soothe our emotions, distract us from feeling bad, or entertain us when we are bored is a buffering behavior.

I know I talk a lot about mindfulness and you can’t pick up a self-help book without reading about mindfulness.  It is the first step in changing anything that needs to be changed.  It’s the first step to a more evolved you.

The truth is that you can’t change anything unless you are aware and you understand what is driving your behavior or habit.

We tend to beat ourselves up and get so hard on ourselves when we buffer but beating yourself up does not serve you when it comes to changing behavior.

What we need is a new thought and a new emotion.

Let’s try this emotion…curiosity!

Be curious about the thoughts and emotions that are that are driving your buffering behavior.  Your thoughts can come in the form of a question and guess what?  You have changed your emotions and your thoughts, from whatever it was, to curiosity.

We can’t continue to call ourselves names like loser, fatty, good for nothing, ugly, nerdy, useless, worthless.  We can’t keep saying “I can’t, I don’t understand or I don’t know how”.

Instead, be curious.  “I wonder why I feel restless, I wonder why I feel bored, I am curious why this event is so difficult, I wonder….”

I have done this and for sure it’s really hard to continue beating yourself up while you are exploring.

Buffering to make the emotions go away does not make the emotions go away, it just makes us not feel them…for now.

Click here to watch Transformation Tuesday Facebook Live Replays

It’s the middle of the year and maybe by now you have tossed your goals to the side. 

Maybe you are on track, but losing steam. 

Maybe you are ahead of the game, but could use a reboot.

Let’s do it!  A reboot that is.  

Click here to watch the Transformation Tuesday FB Live all about rebooting your goals.

Working towards a goal can be exhausting…especially when we don’t see the results we want.  This is a great time to remind you that the person that you are becoming on the journey, on the path of your goal, is the prize!

If you were to race to the end, you would miss the middle part, and that is where your success is created.  

Success is earned through challenging, mundane, unexciting, uncomfortable, unsexy, frustrating, laborious and sometimes defeating work. 

Freaking hard work!

Success is achieved through the compound effect of doing it every day.  Showing up 1% better today than yesterday.  Doing it again tomorrow and every day after that.

Creating your dream life, accomplishing your goals, acquiring the things…all of it is accomplished in the thoughts that you think, the uncomfortable emotions you are willing to feel and the action, the inspired, massive action that you are willing to take.   

It all happens one decision at a time. 

• The decision to make one more call to close the deal,
• The decision to turn around and say I am sorry instead of storming out the door,
• The decision to drink the water and pass on the cookie,
• The decision to let it go,
• The decision to see the other side,
• The decision to keep going when you feel like quitting,
• The decision to be tired and scared and lonely and do it anyway,
• The decision to get up and work out and eat clean even when it’s hard, especially when it’s hard,
• The decision to live the human experience fully and intentionally and by design.

Alright, now get our your Impossible Goals Worksheet and let’s get goaling…don’t know where it is?  Click here.

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!!!!

Ready to get goaling? Click here and let’s get to work!

Transformation Tuesday Virtual Goal Setting Workshops Replay

Becoming your future you requires you to lose a few things in order to create room for your growth.

Kind of like cleaning your closet of the old wardrobe to make room for the new one.  You must shed the old you, the one with the habits and the thoughts that don’t serve the result that you want to create for your future self.

People think that once they get the job, get the raise, get the perfect boss or spouse or find the perfect friends…that they will the become a different person, a happy person and full-filled and satisfied person.

The opposite is true…we must become the person that can attract, create and invite the life and the results that we want.

• You must lose the self-doubt and self-limiting beliefs.  Make room for confidence and new beliefs that create the results.
• You must lose the overwhelm, confusion and indecision.  Make room for inspired and massive action.
• You must lose the attachment to anxiety, worry and fear to take brave and courageous steps.
• You must lose self-pity and self loathing to invite self-love.
• You must lose the resentment that you have for yourself and others and create your results from a place of compassion and love.
• You must lose the blame and shame and guilt and accept responsibility for the life you want to create

You cannot create, invite or attract a life of abundance from a place of negative emotions.

You cannot beat yourself up, blame others and be at odds with the world and create the results that you want.

Join the Abundance Warrior Boot Camp and start creating the results you want today!

Link to Transformation Tuesday Facebook Live Replays

 

1. Your thoughts are not in alignment with the results you want.
2. You spend more time thinking about what you don’t want instead of what you do want.
3. You set goals from a space of should instead of want.
4. The company you keep is not in alignment with your goals.
5. You spend no time visualizing your results.
6. You feel guilty about your goals.  Again, thoughts and feelings are out of alignment with the result you want to create.

For example…

You want to save money but you are thinking thoughts like, “I deserve to treat myself, I work hard”  or “I’ll just splurge this once, I’ll start over next paycheck”

If thinking about saving money makes you feel deprived, you aren’t in alignment with an abundant mindset.  You are putting a kink in your hose of abundance.

Those thoughts and feelings do not align with your goal to save money, so you don’t.  In fact, you do the opposite, you spend, which moves you farther from your goal of having money.

It’s same for wanting to lose weight, getting the new job, making more money, attracting the love of your life.  The list goes on and on.

Your brain’s motivational strategy is to seek pleasure, avoid pain and conserve energy.  Your subconscious is where we operate 90% of our day.  That part of the brain knows nothing of delayed gratification and seeks immediate satisfaction.

So thinking from the primal part of our brain, we will always be at odds with our goals, we will feel at odds with ourselves!

When you spend your time thinking thoughts like, “I don’t want to be fat, I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to be broke…”  That is exactly what you are creating in your life.  You invite more of what ever you are thinking about.  What are you thinking about?

When you set goals from a place of I should lose the weight, or I should save more money, I should get a better job…instead of from a place of want, your brain thinks your should is optional.  Your brain won’t take that thought seriously.

Remember, your brain wants to prove your thoughts true…all of them!  But a should is only a suggestion, it’s not a commitment, it’s not a decision.

You have to spend time stepping into your future self by visualizing your goal from a place of already achieving it.  Visualize yourself at your ideal weight, making the money, having the career, having the relationship.  Do that often, daily even!

When we feel guilty for wanting to up level our lives, we are out of alignment with our goals.  We are putting a kink in the hose of abundance.  When you worry about what others will think if we lose the weight, get the job, move up in our careers, we lose the plot of our own life, the one we want to create.

Surround yourself with people who cheer you on, advocate for you and celebrate your success with you.

Are you ready for more?  More of whatever you want to create, invite and attract into your life?  Join my Abundance Warrior Boot Camp.  For a limited time, I am opening enrollment.  Are you ready?  Yes, I am ready!!!

Transformation Tuesday Facebook Live Replays

 

When you embody gratitude, you will be given more to be grateful about.

You are a divine power plant.

Taking 100% responsibility for your thoughts, your emotions and your actions up-levels your results.  100% of the time!

What you experience today is fruit previously planted.  What you plant today, you sow in the future.

If you want more to come into life, let more life come out of you.

A mirror can only reflect back to you what you what you are doing in front of it.  The world can only reflect back to you what you express into it.

You cannot invite abundance from a place of lack and scarcity.

The life you are living today is designed to keep you where you are.  It is designed to keep you in a state of survival, coping, avoiding pain, seeking comfort  and convenience.  You need to override this pattern, interrupt it and wake up your abundance warrior!

Watch the Transformation Tuesday Facebook Live on Money Mindset…soooooo good!

If you want to wake up your abundance warrior click here.  I only have one more spot in the “Abundance Warrior” Boot Camp.  It’s time to let go of your scarcity life and open up the flow of abundance.

 

Got goals?

Maybe you don’t even know where to start, that’s common and quite normal.

Maybe you don’t think that you can reach your goal, so why have one, why bother? I call that, failing ahead of time.

Maybe you spend more time thinking about the things that you would like to do rather than actually doing them.

Maybe you let yourself off the hook by thoughts like “I don’t have time, or I don’t have talent, or I don’t have the money or resources. I have too many reasons why not to even think about the possibility.”

I know those thoughts because I had them. I had them all!  Totally human!!!

I was a beer drinking, Cheetos eating, ET watching individual.  No, not the movie Extra Terrestrial…Entertainment Tonight.

For my stretch goal, I would pick the weeds out of my yard…by hand.   Woohoo!

I could not, for the life of me, understand why I was OK with that.  Why didn’t I put myself out there, why didn’t I have goals and ambition and passion for something, what the heck was going on? What was wrong with me?

Turns out it was because I was human and had a brain…totally normal!!

My brain was wired to think the life that I wanted to live was too risky to go for.  It might mean that I would feel fear and rejection, anxiety, stress, sadness, that life might be challenging.  I had doubts about my value and worth.  So instead, I watched others, on TV, I watched their lives.  I lived through them.

Sounds depressing doesn’t it?  Actually, I wasn’t depressed at all.  Until I picked up a shelf-help book (that was not a typo), and began to read.  You see, I thought I could just read the books and feel better, do better, be better.

Turns out that you have to actually do the work and apply the work.

Crazy stuff I know but, unless you apply the work, it’s only a shelf-help book, and by the way, there is a reason it’s called “self-help.”  

I read, “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill.  He said things like

“the starting point of achievement is desire.”

What did I desire? I had not even thought about it.  I knew what I didn’t want.  I didn’t want to be a burden to society, I didn’t want to be alone, I didn’t want to be talked about or laughed at, I didn’t want to feel bad and I didn’t want…

I only knew what I didn’t want, but I had no idea what I did want.  I desired to avoid pain, I was moving away from things that I didn’t want instead of moving toward things that I did want.

Another life changing statement was,

“Set your mind on a definite goal and observe how quickly the world stands aside to let you pass.”

Born my obsession with goal setting!

And then this one…

“Put your foot upon the neck of the fear of criticism by reaching a decision not to worry about what other people think, do, or say.”

SAY WHAT!!!

So how did I go from living at the effect of my circumstances to living a life by design, a life on purpose?

Lots and lots of thought work.  I mean tons of it, still do.

Then I had to learn to apply the work.  That is the hard part.  I had to stop waiting for life to happen and I had to start making life happen.

I had to show up bigger, put myself out there and be the person that was willing to be uncomfortable.

I had to learn that anything I wanted to feel was available to me by what I was thinking, then I had to learn how to manage what I was thinking, I am still learning…

I learned that whatever I focused on the most became reality.  Good or bad, it came to be.

Is my life perfect?  Heck no!  It never will be because I am not perfect, and life isn’t perfect and I don’t think that it is supposed to be.

Life is up and it’s down, it’s happy and it’s sad, it’s scary and it’s exciting, it’s difficult and it’s forgiving.  It’s a contrast in colors and emotions and thoughts.  That’s what adds texture and flavor to our lives.  It’s how we know we are living.

I still have fear of rejection and anxiety about tons of things, but I have learned that all of that is our humanness so that we can appreciate peace of mind, love, kindness, empathy, relevance and assurance when we are fortunate enough to experience that.

So, what do you desire?  What do you spend your time thinking about?  What is that nudge you feel from the universe every so often?  Are you moving away from something or toward what you desire?

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!

Have you ever known someone that just never seemed to have issues?  No drama, nothing bad ever happened, their life just seemed charmed. 

Even when things do happen, they just seem to be able to know how to handle it, it gets handled and they move on.  Their bumps in the road seem so small and insignificant compared to ours.

Whatever you focus on grows…good or bad!

Most of us are experts at what is going wrong in our lives, I do it all the time.  That’s why it feels like we get one issue behind us and then there is another. 

When I focused on debt, it grew!  When I focused on how crappy my life was, I felt even worse.  When I focused on all the mistakes I have made, I made even more bad choices.

It has 100% to do with where the focus is.  Where the focus is, the energy goes.  Where your energy is, your actions and habits go and that creates your results and outcomes.

It’s a cycle of habitually focusing your energy on the wrong thing. 

Whatever we spend the most time thinking about is what we nurture and what we nurture, we manifest. 

The good news is that we can also use this theory to design the life we want to live and get the things we want.

Want better outcomes?  Think better thoughts! 

We always have a choice of looking at what is possible and investing in the thoughts that serve all of the possibilities, but out brain is built on a negative bias.

Do you find yourself saying things like, “What do I have to lose?” or “What’s the worst that could happen?”

These questions seem benign but they are not.  These types of questions actually create the limitation ahead of the pursuit of your goal. What???

When you ask your brain “what do I have to lose, or what’s the worst that can happen” your brain goes to work giving you the answer and constructs the worst case scenarios and presents them to you in the form of negative thought loops. 

Stinking thinking creates stinking result!  100% every single time.

The good news is that when we focus on what is possible, our brain starts working towards that.   Your intuition takes over and starts figuring things out, starts showing you the way.  Your gut instinct kicks in and decisions are made and your grit grows and you start taking massive action.  

• What area of your life do you want to see a positive difference?
• What are the questions to ask yourself to focus your energy toward attracting your outcome?
• Take action based on those questions.

So here are some questions to ask yourself instead:

• What do I have to gain?
• What will be the benefit?
• Who else will have gain and benefit?
• What is the best case scenario?
• Where are there other opportunities for gain that I have not thought about?
• What can I think right now to attract the outcome I want?

The right questions lead to the right energy and focus and that leads to the results and outcomes we want. 

Remember, whatever you focus on grows.

Now, go be a goal setting, goal getting, goal digger!

You create your happy by creating “happy habits.”

• Stop waiting for random “happy” events…create them.
• Anticipation is a powerful happiness booster.  This is a 2 for 1.  You get  the happy from the anticipation and the actual event.
• Move your body.  A body in motion…all good stuff.
• Give to give, not to get.  Turns out that people who give are happier and live longer.
• Set a goal…you know I love this one!  Too many reasons why on this one, just do it!
• Get good at creating and maintaining friendships.  (Secret:  I recently had a group Zoom call with some of mine, so fun).
• Look for the lessons when things feel off.

Guess what happy habits create?  Happy thoughts!  Go be happy!

You should totally watch my Facebook Live to know what I mean…

What if I told you that the very thing that you spend your time thinking about and talking about is exactly what you are manifesting in your life?

That’s not woo…that’s science!

We create our results with our thoughts. Every single one of them. Each word you think creates a vibration in your body, the emotion. Those vibrations fuel our action or inaction, and what we do or don’t do is what creates our results.

So if you are thinking thoughts like…

• “He drives me nuts”
• “He can’t do anything right”
• “I hate my life”
• I hate my job”
• “No one listen’s to me”
• “I am frustrated”
• even and especially this one…”I don’t feel good”

Guess what you invite? Yep, more of the same. Your brain thinks that is what you have ordered up, invited and so that is what your are creating.

Your brain is always searching for ways to prove your thoughts true.

Stop negotiating with the 3 year in your head, start working on the thoughts you need to think to create the results your want!

Stop living at the cause and effect of life happening too you and start letting the abundance of life flow through you.

I have a couple of spots in the Abundance Warrior Boot Camp. This is a limited space and limited time only. Click here for more details.

We all know “that person.”  The one that sucks the air out of the room.  The one that walks around with a chip on their shoulder.  The one that doesn’t know a normal tone of voice, the one that seems to have the toxicity level of a nuclear power plan.

They make us feel icky.  Their actions sometimes make us not show up as our highest and best self.  In fact, they can bring out the worst in us.  They make us feel rejected, humiliated and embarrassed.

Maybe you work with them , or for them.  Maybe they are in the family.  They might be at church or the waitress that takes your order. You might even be married to one of them!

They are everywhere!!!!!

• We think they should not be loud…
• We think they should be kind…
• We think they should be fair…
• We think they should not take advantage of us…
• We think they should be positive…
• We think they should not shoot guns or be noisy neighbors…
• We think they should not look over your shoulder and micro manage your work…
• We think they should not yell at us for something someone else did…
• We think that they should not call us names and make fun of our clothes…
• We think that they should be professional and nice…
• We think that they should not drink or they should not do drugs…

Here is the deal…

We all have a manual for how others should behave, talk, act like etc… When they don’t show up like “we think” that “they should”, we let it affect us, we let it comprise how we show up. We take it personally, we get offended, we get our feelings hurt. We let their behavior mean something about us.

That is how self-centered we are as humans. We think everything is about us!

How they act has nothing to do with us, that is their decision to show up like that.  It’s your decision how you respond to it.

How they show up is their business, how we show up is ours.

As humans, our brains immediately go into a thought pattern that is out dated.  It’s the primitive brain fearing that we are about to get kicked out of the tribe.  We think that there must be something wrong with us, or that we did something wrong…(shame and guilt are sneaky).

We make it mean we didn’t do a good job or that we are less that worthy, we lose confidence in our own being.  We make it mean that we were a poor judge of character, “we should have known better”, we should have done better.  More shame and guilt.

We shoulder the burden of causing the behavior and we give them all of our power by allowing them to trigger thoughts and emotions in us that don’t serve us.

Listen…

People are allowed to act anyway they choose.  Not without consequences, but they are allowed just the same.   You are allowed to act anyway that you choose.  That is the beauty of the human experience, we have choices!

We would all love it if everyone just did what “we think” they “should” or act the way that “we think” they should, but that’s not the Law of the Universe.  We all get the choice, equally.

Just because you allow them to choose their own actions and behaviors, does not mean you are condoning anything, you are not agreeing with anything, you are simply keeping your power and responsibility for your own emotions, and that my friends is a beautiful thing!

You don’t have to like their behavior, just understand that it is their choice to act that way.  There will always be consequences for their behavior, there always is.  That’s the way the Universe works!

I want you to imagine this person as a child, as a scared child on their first day of school, hovering in the corner, scared and alone and crying.

This image personifies what is going on when  someone acting in arrogance, and bullying.  They are coming from a place of fear, scarcity and lack.

You, my friends,  can still choose to come from a place of love, abundance and compassion.   That’s how you keep your power.

When you feel like someone has triggered an emotional response in you, I want you to remember that it is not them, it is the thought that you are having about them, what they said, how they said it or what they did.  It is YOUR thoughts about what is happening that triggers your emotions, not what they did.

We can’t always help the first thought that comes to our mind but we can manage how long we entertain it and we can choose the next thought after that.

We can see them come from their scared place and we can call up compassion.  We can be curious about what might be going on to make them so hateful, angry, arrogance and negative.

One thing that I do know for sure is that mirroring their behavior isn’t going to serve you, making it mean something about you isn’t going to serve you and trying to change them will never work!

1.  Throw away your manual.
2.  Understand that everyone can act and do, as they choose.  That includes you!
3.  Choose to come from a place of love and you choose how you want to respond.

What I have learned by really understanding all of this, and allowing others to show up as they will, is that I am at peace, I am able to see their human experience as theirs and mine as mine.  I have seen how The Universe takes care of people who are unkind, arrogant and icky.  I will leave it there.

Watch the Facebook Live, Transformation Tuesday, Virtual Goal Setting Workshop where I talk all about them!