Do you find yourself looking for a way to reward yourself after a stressful day?  Maybe it looks like a drink or a cupcake or a little online shopping.  You know what I mean…that little treat?

We typically treat ourselves with the very thing that we are trying to eliminate in our lives. Isn’t that interesting?

I have done the very same thing…story below.

We may even feel justified and believe that we are showing ourselves love and compassion when we do that.

But here is what is really happening…

Some days it feels like you’re putting out one fire after another. You can’t control the disaster that was today. So you might as well find a way to feel better.  You are either trying to suppress the way you are feeling or you are trying to create a different feeling.  Either way, it’s buffering from your emotions.

Either way it’s self-sabotage.

…and it works right?


Using a drink or food or any other buffering behavior for stress relief keeps you beholden to the habit, the buzz, the dopamine hit.

What if, instead, you could control how the day felt? What if you could stop putting out fires?  I’m not talking about getting better at controlling the world.

I’m talking about taking a close look at the sentences running through your mind all day long…

  • I’ve got to get this done!
  • I have so much to do!
  • Why does this have to happen to me today!
  • Why is he always giving me a hard time!
  • Why does this have to be so hard?
  • Can’t she see I am busy right now?

We create so much drama with our thoughts. And the habit of dramatic thinking is always fuel for our buffering behavior… over eating, over drinking and over shopping.  Now you might be asking, “how?”  Consider the thought model…

It is your thoughts that create how you feel. It is your feelings that drive the buffering behavior.  Your buffering behavior sabotages the results that you want to create.

True story…

I just hit my ideal weight, felt great, felt amazing actually.  Then after a  thought drama day  of, “this was so hard, I have had a really hard day, I deserve a little treat…’ the following ensued:

Two beers and two glasses of wine, a handful or three of Cheetos and Hot Tamales,  I was no longer at my ideal weight.

The very things I had worked so hard to eliminate were the very things that I used to sabotage my results.

All those seemingly “meaningless” negative thoughts really do add up.  Each one creates a tiny drop of negative emotion. Taken on their own, they’re pretty insignificant.

But taken together…By the end of the day you’re drenched in negative emotion and reaching for relief.

So this week, I want you to challenge yourself to acknowledge how much all your thoughts matter.

When you catch yourself thinking something negative, ask yourself this powerful questions,:

If I never have this thought again, how would it help me stop my buffering behavior? What thoughts can I think today that will serve me better?


PS: In my group coaching program, we talking about changing habits that don’t serve your goals. We talk about living a life of balance and abundance. We work on creating the life of your hearts desire. We talk about causing the effect in your life. We work on creating thoughts and emotions that serve you!  Click here to see if coaching is right for you!