Posted in goals

How to Deal with all of the Arrogant, Toxic, Negative, Icky People

We all know “that person.”  The one that sucks the air out of the room.  The one that walks around with a chip on their shoulder.  The one that doesn’t know a normal tone of voice, the one that seems to have the toxicity level of a nuclear power plan.

They make us feel icky.  Their actions sometimes make us not show up as our highest and best self.  In fact, they can bring out the worst in us.  They make us feel rejected, humiliated and embarrassed.

Maybe you work with them , or for them.  Maybe they are in the family.  They might be at church or the waitress that takes your order. You might even be married to one of them!

They are everywhere!!!!!

  • We think they should not be loud…
  • We think they should be kind…
  • We think they should be fair…
  • We think they should not take advantage of us…
  • We think they should be positive…
  • We think they should not shoot guns or be noisy neighbors…
  • We think they should not look over your shoulder and micro manage your work…
  • We think they should not yell at us for something someone else did…
  • We think that they should not call us names and make fun of our clothes…
  • We think that they should be professional and nice…
  • We think that they should not drink or they should not do drugs…

Here is the deal…

We all have a manual for how others should behave, talk, act like etc… When they don’t show up like “we think” that “they should”, we let it affect us, we let it comprise how we show up. We take it personally, we get offended, we get our feelings hurt. We let their behavior mean something about us.

That is how self-centered we are as humans. We think everything is about us!

How they act has nothing to do with us, that is their decision to show up like that.  It’s your decision how you respond to it.

How they show up is their business, how we show up is ours.

As humans, our brains immediately go into a thought pattern that is out dated.  It’s the primitive brain fearing that we are about to get kicked out of the tribe.  We think that there must be something wrong with us, or that we did something wrong…(shame and guilt are sneaky).

We make it mean we didn’t do a good job or that we are less that worthy, we lose confidence in our own being.  We make it mean that we were a poor judge of character, “we should have known better”, we should have done better.  More shame and guilt.

We shoulder the burden of causing the behavior and we give them all of our power by allowing them to trigger thoughts and emotions in us that don’t serve us.

Listen…

People are allowed to act anyway they choose.  Not without consequences, but they are allowed just the same.   You are allowed to act anyway that you choose.  That is the beauty of the human experience, we have choices!

We would all love it if everyone just did what “we think” they “should” or act the way that “we think” they should, but that’s not the Law of the Universe.  We all get the choice, equally.

Just because you allow them to choose their own actions and behaviors, does not mean you are condoning anything, you are not agreeing with anything, you are simply keeping your power and responsibility for your own emotions, and that my friends is a beautiful thing!

You don’t have to like their behavior, just understand that it is their choice to act that way.  There will always be consequences for their behavior, there always is.  That’s the way the Universe works!

I want you to imagine this person as a child, as a scared child on their first day of school, hovering in the corner, scared and alone and crying.

This image personifies what is going on when  someone acting in arrogance, and bullying.  They are coming from a place of fear, scarcity and lack.

You, my friends,  can still choose to come from a place of love, abundance and compassion.   That’s how you keep your power.

When you feel like someone has triggered an emotional response in you, I want you to remember that it is not them, it is the thought that you are having about them, what they said, how they said it or what they did.  It is YOUR thoughts about what is happening that triggers your emotions, not what they did.

We can’t always help the first thought that comes to our mind but we can manage how long we entertain it and we can choose the next thought after that.

We can see them come from their scared place and we can call up compassion.  We can be curious about what might be going on to make them so hateful, angry, arrogance and negative.

One thing that I do know for sure is that mirroring their behavior isn’t going to serve you, making it mean something about you isn’t going to serve you and trying to change them will never work!

  1.  Throw away your manual.
  2.  Understand that everyone can act and do, as they choose.  That includes you!
  3.  Choose to come from a place of love and you choose how you want to respond.

What I have learned by really understanding all of this, and allowing others to show up as they will, is that I am at peace, I am able to see their human experience as theirs and mine as mine.  I have seen how The Universe takes care of people who are unkind, arrogant and icky.  I will leave it there.

Watch the Facebook Live, Transformation Tuesday, Virtual Goal Setting Workshop where I talk all about them!

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